Erasing Time book launch and Book Trailer

Hey Reading Aficionados,
My new release, Erasing Time comes out August 28th!

 You can buy it any of your finer bookstores. (If your local one doesn't carry it, tell them they won't qualify as a finer bookstore until they order it, which they should do immediately.) If you're in the Phoenix area, I would love to see you at the book launch on:

Tues, Aug 28th, 7:00 PM at Changing Hands Bookstore

I'll talk about vital and important topics such as:

The future (Will the government want to kill you?  Ha! Do you really doubt it?)
Secret symbols in store logos: (Seriously, they're in a bunch. I'll show you some.)
And Rank (You can be one of the cool, early adopters.)

Also get a glitter tattoo so you can fit in with the High Rankers of 2447.

Time travel is optional.


Here's the book trailer:

Dramatic twists and turns to the very end ensure readers’ attention and the possibility of an equally thrilling sequel--Kirkus

Erasing Time countdown/ My Double Life Giveaway

Welcome to another day of my book a day giveaway. It's only six more short days until Erasing Time comes out. You can buy a copy at the book launch on Aug 28th, at Changing Hands Bookstore in Tempe, AZ. I'll be there, and probably be coherent at the time--but that sort of depends on how my Echo in Time revisions are going.

Today I'll be giving away a copy of an awesome book--My Double Life. Yep we are back to the book that started off the giveaway (sort of--it was part of a blog hop) which means that unless I've forgotten one of my titles that I meant to giveaway and didn't (entirely possible--I have had that whole lack of sleep thing going for me) Then the book I will be putting on the lineup tomorrow night will be Erasing Time--and I'll be showing you the very cool trailer I had made for it. (There is fire. Things poof!)

Until then, you'll have to satisfy yourself with living the secret life of a rock star and having a famous rock star boyfriend.  You know, the rough life.

Leave me a comment about the moments in your life that you wouldn't want the paparazzi to show up. Let me know if you're a follower, as that will earn you an extra chance.  Blogging or tweeting about the giveaway will earn you another chance.  I'll ship to the US or Canada, other winners will get an ebook.

You're allowed to comment on both blogs--and you might as well, as it doubles your chances.
Now I've got to go to sleep before I start typing gibberish . . .

Erasing Time countdown Revenge giveaway

Welcome to another day of my book a day giveaway. It's only ten more days until Erasing Time comes out. You can buy a copy at the book launch on Aug 28th, at Changing Hands Bookstore in Tempe, AZ. And yes, I have already started having anxiety dreams about not being prepared for this event. In the last one, I couldn't make it to the store in time and knew I would miss the whole event.

One more perk of being an author--stressful dreams.  (Still waiting for a hot vampire to show up and inspire me.)

Today I'll be giving away a copy of Revenge of the Cheerleaders.  Okay, I admit this isn't one of my better covers. For some reason the characters are oddly yellow.  But it's still an awesome book, and you have my full permission to glue a different picture on the cover.

 I don't want to make you leave a comment telling me about a revenge episode, as really, I hope you haven't had any . . . so just leave me a comment about who you would shake a pompom at, should you ever need commit such an act. Let me know if you're a follower, as that will earn you an extra chance. Tweeting about the giveaway and mentioning that you love me even more than One Direction will earn you another chance. (Okay, you don't actually have to do that--but I would appreciate you telling other people about the giveaway.) And yeah, if you tweet/blog you'd better put in the link for that. Twitter and Google search are supposed to let me know when my name pops up in the internet, but it only works about a third of the time and I'm too untechnical to figure out how to fix that problem.  I'll ship to the US or Canada, other winners will get an ebook.

You're allowed to comment on both blogs--and you might as well, as it doubles your chances. http://www.cjhillbooks.blogspot.com/ (I'll throw the Goodread comments into the mix too.)

My Unfair Godmother giveaway along with Assignment to Earth

The countdown to Erasing Time continues!  Just . . .um . . .what the heck is today--just 11 more days until the book release.  (Hey, I'm in a revisions marathon right now.) Come to Changing Hands on Aug 28th at 7:00 pm to hear me talk about the world in the future and secret signs and cool stuff like that.

Oh, and a note to paperback winners: Your book will probably come to you in a recycled bubble wrap mailer. I'm recycling them because I'm being green, not cheap. Well, okay, actually I'm being cheap too, but think of it as being awesomely green. Instead of the landfill getting my old poofy envelopes--you get them.

Today for the giveaway, I am giving away two--yes two-- great books.  My long-time writing friend Anne Marie Jenner emailed me and volunteered to give away a copy of her Indie book Assignment to Earth for the blog. (I don't think Anne will mind me mentioning that this book started out as fan fiction for Battlestar Gallactica. Anne, like me, has an incurable crush on the original Apollo. Mmmm. Richard Hatch.

Now I'm in my happy place . . .) Anyway, so today's lucky winner will get both that and a copy of My Unfair Godmother

Here's the fine print: Leaving a comment about something in life that's unfair will get you one entry, following the blog will get you another. Tweeting about the giveaway will give you one more. Here's book blurbs:

Assignment Earth


When Captain Skylar gets an assignment to locate a missing scout on the planet Earth, he doesn't realize his mission will be so complicated. His own ship damaged, finding Rantek is his only way home. 

A chance encounter with Lt. Jenna, a stranded Cavalier, leads him to a Klodfon base buried in the sands of the Nevada desert. 

Now he has to rescue Rantek and Jenna, escape the base, and warn the Fellowship of the Klodfon presence on Earth...and time is running out, if he doesn't want to end up stranded himself!


My Unfair Godmother

Tansy Miller has always felt that her divorced father has never had enough time for her. But mistakenly getting caught on the wrong side of the law wasn't exactly how she wanted to get his attention. Enter Chrysanthemum "Chrissy" Everstar, Tansy's fairy in shining, er, high heels. Chrissy is only a fair godmother, of course, so Tansy's three wishes don't exactly go according to plan. And if bringing Robin Hood to the twenty-first century isn't bad enough for Tansy, being transported back to the Middle Ages to deal with Rumpelstiltskin certainly is. She'll need the help of her blended family, her wits, and especially the cute police chief's son to stop the gold-spinning story from spinning wildly out of control. Janette Rallison pulls out all the stops in this fresh, fun-filled follow-up to the popular My Fair Godmother.

Erasing Time countdown and book a day giveaway

In completely unrelated news, we are having the most amazing lightning storm in Arizona right now.  It's like a strobe light outside. And yet I couldn't convince any of my family to get out of bed and go sit outside on the wet lawn and watch it.  Some people are completely lacking in spontaneity.  Okay, so my pants are now all wet, so I'm going to be short about this.

Erasing Time is coming out August 28th. It's awesome. Go buy several copies, because hey, you've got to get your parents/daughters/ friends something for their birthday/Christmas/ graduation/shower gift.

And it's got a cool cover.

I'm giving books away every day until I make a dent on the ones in my closet (or until I get hit by lightning). Leave a comment about what you would like to be famous for. Followers get an extra chance. People who tweet/blog about the giveaway get an extra chance too. You can still enter if you've already won. Random.org might like you twice.

Tonight it will be Fame, Glory, and Other Things On My To Do List.  (Okay, I know it has a cheesy pink cover, but it's still one of my funniest, especially if you've ever seen West Side Story.)


A PC school principal turns West Side Story into a comedy of errors. 

Sixteen year-old Jessica dreams of Hollywood fame, and when Jordan moves into her small town, she dreams of him too. He’s a movie star’s son, and hey, he’s gorgeous to boot. Jordan has always wanted to get out from the shadow cast by his superstar father, but now that he and his mother have moved so far away from LA, how can he get his divorced parents back together? Jessica convinces Jordan the way to get his father to come for a long visit is to be a part of the school play. And if she’s “discovered” in the process, all the better. Things go wrong when she lets Jordan’s secret identity slip, and grow even more disastrous when the principal tries to change West Side Story into a gangfree, violence-free, politically correct production. 

In the same romantic and sharply witty spirit of Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Free Throws, Janette Rallison delivers another comic gem that teen readers are sure to love.

Erasing Time countdown a book a day giveaway

Welcome to another day of my giveaway. This is probably the longest I've gone on this blog without mentioning chocolate. I hope you'all don't feel deprived.  Anyway, it's only sixteen more days until Erasing Time comes out. You can buy a copy at the book launch on Aug 28th, at Changing Hands Bookstore in Tempe, AZ. (Or at your local book store if you don't happen to live in Arizona--and as it is currently the same temperature as the inside of a dryer, I don't blame you for not living in Arizona.)

Next up is All's Fair in Love, War, and High School--And yes, I know that my covers have gotten better over the years.  This was one of my earlier books.

You can look at the Polish cover if you'd rather.  I like the fact that the Polish cover proudly exclaims that 1,000,000 sprzedanych egzemplarzy!  Not many people can claim half so many sprzedanych egzemplarzy!

Don't worry though. I won't send you a Polish copy.  Leave a comment telling me about one of your bad days in school.

 Let me know if you're a follower, as that will earn you an extra chance.  Blogging or tweeting about the giveaway and mentioning that you'll be naming your first born child after me will earn you another chance. (Okay, you don't actually have to do that--but I would appreciate you telling other people about the giveaway.) And yeah, if you tweet/blog you'd better put in the link for that. Twitter and Google search are supposed to let me know when my name pops up in the internet, but it only works about a third of the time and I'm too untechnical to figure out how to fix that problem.  I'll ship to the US or Canada, other winners will get an ebook.

You're allowed to comment on both blogs--and you might as well, as it doubles your chances. The CJ Hill one is: http://cjhillbooks.blogspot.com/ (I'll throw the Goodread comments into the mix too.)


When your chance for getting into college and your date for the prom are all on the line…

Sixteen-year-old Samantha Taylor is used to having things go her way. She's head cheerleader and has all the right friends and a steady stream of boyfriends. But when she tanks the SATs, her automatic assumptions about going to college don't appear to be so automatic anymore. She determines that her only hope for college admission is to win the election for student body president. Unfortunately, with her razor wit and acid tongue she's bettersuited to dishing out insults than winning votes.

When she brashly bets her classmate Logan that she can go two weeks without uttering a single insult, Samantha immediately realizes that she may have bitten off more than she can chew. And when her current boyfriend dumps her, less than three weeks before the prom, it couldn't be a worse time to be forced to keep her opinions to herself. Finding a new boyfriend will be a challenge now that Logan shadows her every move, hoping to catch her slipping back into her old ways. Samantha is determined to win the election and find a dream date for the prom, no matter what it takes. After all . . . all's fair in love and war (and high school!).

Erasing Time countdown--book-a-day giveaway

It's almost 1:00 in the morning--but hey, I remembered to pick today's book winners. Which means we're off to a promising start!  The count-down to Aug 28th is on its way.

Next up will be Just One Wish (because someone mentioned in the comments that it was their favorite book.)  A lot of people tell me this one is their favorite of my books, which sort of surprises me since the main character's little brother has cancer. I really thought I was going to get angry letters from all of my fans.  (I did get two angry emails, actually.  I'm pretty sure I have more fans than that.)

Leave a comment telling me what you would wish for if you had just one wish. Let me know if you're a follower, as that will earn you an extra chance.  Blogging or tweeting about the giveaway or your undying admiration for me will earn you another chance. And yeah, I guess you'd better put in the link for that. Twitter and Google search are supposed to let me know when my name pops up in the internet, but it only works about a third of the time and I'm too untechnical to figure out how to fix that problem.

You're allowed to comment on both blogs--and you might as well, as it doubles your chances. The CJ Hill one is: http://cjhillbooks.blogspot.com/

Seventeen-year-old Annika Truman knows about the power of positive thinking. With a little brother who has cancer, it's all she ever hears about. And in order to help Jeremy, she will go to the ends of the earth (or at least as far as Hollywood) to help him believe he can survive his upcoming surgery.

But Annika's plan to convince Jeremy that a magic genie will grant him any wish throws her a curveball when he unexpectedly wishes that his television idol would visit him. Annika suddenly finds herself in the desperate predicament of getting access to a hunky star actor and convincing him to come home with her. Piece of cake, right?

Janette Rallison's proven talent for laugh-out-loud humor, teen romance, and deep-hearted storytelling shines in a novel that will have readers laughing and crying at the same time.

Author's note: I don't know about the readers, but this book left me crying when I wrote it and every time I had to read through it for a revision--which is why I can't write tragic stories. I would be an emotional mess the entire time.

Book a day giveaway

Greetings Young Adult Book lovers!  (Can I call you YABL for short?  It sort of sounds like babble and rabble so it's definitely a teen descriptive word.)

I signed up for Kathy's blog hop to meet more YABL as I am a YABL myself.  In fact, I've written 19 books and most of them are YAB. (I'm refraining from making a yabba dabba doo joke here, because contrary to popular belief, I do have a modicum of pride.) Instead, I'll say that most of my books are romantic comedies, although the CJ Hill ones have more action in them.  Guns, bad guys, maybe a time machine or a dragon or two--but always a hot guy. I have my standards.

So anyway I'll be giving away a hardback copy of My Double Life here--but wait, there's more.  Since I have a new book coming out August 28--Erasing Time, under my pen name CJ Hill,  I'm about to embark on my usual pre-launch book-a-day giveaway on both of my blogs. (I also have one at http://www.cjhillbooks.blogspot.com)

That giveaway officially starts Aug 10th, so come back to both blogs--your chances of winning are good. That said, I'll only ship to the US or Canada. People outside can enter and if they win I'll send them a choice of my ebooks Blue Eyes and Other Teenage Hazards or Playing the Field


For a chance to win My Double Life, leave a comment telling me what you wish your double life was.

Following the blog earns you an extra shot at winning.

Good luck fellow YABL!

But if I ever write a book about the Zombie Apocalypse, at least I'll have a setting . . .

Zombie picture by Jeremy Keith

One of the fun things about writing a novel is all of the research you get to do.  Okay, it's not all fun. For example, you don't how long I spent on the internet trying to find out what a flash grenade would do to night vision goggles. Apparently this is the one piece of information the internet doesn't know. I had to call Litton, the makers of night vision goggles three times trying to get someone to tell me.

No dice.

The receptionist didn't know, and the engineers didn't return my phone calls. Finally I called a Navy Seal. He called back. End of the story--I had to cut flash grenades from the scene.

But a lot of research is more fun.  I needed to find a mall in the DC area for some characters to meet at.  My husband suggested the Springfield Mall because it was a hot spot back when he grew up in the area.  We looked at the reviews for the mall to see if it had theaters.

And I was soo glad we did.  Apparently the Springfield Mall is now "Old, decrepit, decaying, and abandoned." (And that was from a five star review)  Here are six other actual reviews of the mall that made me laugh outloud:


1) Springfield Mall is like a shopping experience, magic show, and workout all rolled into one. You show up looking to buy something, go into a store, and when you come out the store next to it magically closed while you were shopping. This mall is dropping stores like audition week of American Idol.

To top all of that, all the stores worth shopping are at opposite ends of the mall. So you have to journey through the boarded up ghost town like it's post apocalypse VA.

Go to this mall at your own risk! If you see something in a store BUY IT, if you leave it until you come back the WHOLE store may be gone.

2) This mall gets two stars for Dairy Queen.

Negative two stars for only having 20 stores out of 200 storefronts

Extra one star for being the best location for some sort of zombie movie.

3) I remember back in the day this mall was a respectable location . . . However, over the years it just got worse and worse until I couldn't stand going there anymore and look at all the empty halls and dead interior; it makes me depressed since some of my best memories were going there as a kid.

P.S. Don't park in the Parking Garage for the love of God

(That does make me wonder what goes on in the parking garage . . .)

4) Just happy to be alive and well after having to meet someone at this mall from Craigslist...I know...suspicious right?...I was buying something off of him!....noooo not THAT!...a cell phone..sheesh!
The guy was super cute...I Facebooked him and darn "info" he was...married...or I would have totally taken my chances at this empty mall....sheesh people I a just kidding!...but yeah, close this darn place! it gives you the jibby jibbeesss!

5) Hands down the greatest mall to ever grace this earth.  OK I know its more drywall than store now but there are too many good memories in this place to not give it 5 stars.   

I have seen people "making love" in the back hallways, a fight between two fellows, one wielding mace and the other a screwdriver.  You have to pay for that kind of entertainment these days.   

Too much hate and not enough love for this mall, I hope it never gets torn down.

6) Ahhh, the mall that time forgot.  They will put up drywall in front of a storefront faster than anything I've ever seen.  I truly believe that magic drywall elves come out at night to board up where stores used to be.  I picture them singing some sort of song while they do it too...

But I digress...

Mall Positives:

- Not at all crowded

- Decent parking options

- Target is well stocked

- JCPenney has a decent selection

- Kiosk coffee place (Cuppy's) on first floor has good coffee

Mall Negatives:

- Over half the spaces are not used

- Odd Macy's there

- Oddly placed foodcourt

- A bit frightened of the drywall elves

Needless to say, I sent my characters to a different mall instead.  But if I ever write a story about the Zombie Apocalypse or a tribe of drywall elves, I've got the perfect setting. . .

You know you're an Arizonan in July if . . .

I live in Arizona which means that for the next three months, I will always win in the game of Who-Is-Having-the-Worst-Summer-Weather. Here are the ten reasons that illustrate why you should feel sorry for me.

 You know you're an Arizonan in July if . . .

1)      You’re not sure whether you’re having hot flashes or whether it’s just summer.

2)      A hundred degree forecast is a cold front.

3)      No matter what you set your washing machine’s temperature at, it comes out hot.

4)      Your car doubles as both a sauna and a sweat lodge.

5)      The butter tray becomes a butter puddle-holder unless it’s kept in fridge.

6)      You can’t actually fry an egg on the sidewalk, but you’ve tried.

7)      You can actually burn the bottom of your feet on the sidewalk.

8)      You have to blow dry your hair fast, or nature will do it for you.

9)      Hot chocolate loses all appeal (almost).

10)   Regular chocolate becomes hot chocolate within the time you buy it and the time you rip it open in your car.

(Funny how so many of my blogs end with chocolate. Okay, maybe not funny, just fitting . . . or not fitting if we're talking about my skinny jeans.)

More doll wrecks

Those of you who are faithful followers of this blog know that I have a thing for dolls. I was clearly doll-deprived as a child and have therefore made up for it by buying enough for three childhoods now.  Dolls sit around my house perched in cabinets and on my dresser (and according to one of my daughters watch us in a creepy manner).

The thing I love about dolls though is that they are like clean, obedient little children.  A beautiful doll embodies all the tender, precious things about motherhood.

With that in mind, you would think that people who are creating baby dolls would make tender, precious dolls--and usually they do.  If you look on ebay right now under "reborn dolls" you'll find hundreds of gorgeous, one of a kind dolls.  Here are a couple of good examples of reborn dolls.

Aren't they sweet? Don't you want to take them home? 

Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.

Unfortunately not all dolls or doll artists live up to these high standards. When I saw the next dolls listed, I didn't really get that  "warm" and "precious" vibe.  They seemed to be saying something altogether different. 

This doll is saying, "Get that @#$*& camera out of my face!" Either that, or he ate something that didn't agree with him.  Either way, this isn't a motherhood moment I'd want to pay money for.

The description for this doll said, "So lifelike!" Yeah, only if in real life your kids are ugly. If so, sorry, that hat isn't going to make junior's life any better.

This doll clearly just received terrible news. Did someone cancel Sesame Street?

The next doll says, well, your baby isn't all that bright. You don't need to set up that trust fund for Harvard quite yet.

And this is his future girlfriend.

You see this doll and wonder what has been put in his bottle, because he seems to suffering from a hangover.

This doll says start saving for that Harvard trust fund right away, because junior can already tell he's smarter than you. As soon as he's able to reach the keyboard he'll be sending out advertisements for parents more to his liking.  And by the way, you're out of Grey Poupon again.

And his sister doesn't think much of you either.

Okay, this next doll isn't a reborn doll. It's just a regular doll. I'm adding it because I think my daughter might be right about this one. He is watching you in a creepy manner.  (*shivers*)

If you want to see the links for my past doll wrecks blogs they're: http://janette-rallison.blogspot.com/2011/02/doll-wrecks.html

http://janette-rallison.blogspot.com/2011/06/more-doll-wrecks.html

The problem with public restrooms

I know what you’re thinking after reading that title. The sentence shouldn’t say, "problem", it should say "problems" because there are clearly many things wrong with public restrooms. At least that’s what you’re thinking if you’re a woman. If you’re a man, it may have never occurred to you that there are any issues at all—and that is the root of the problems with public restrooms. I'm not talking about dirt, empty toilet paper roll dispensers, and such. I'm talking about the fact that men clearly designed these places. And anyone who thinks urinals are an acceptable way to relieve oneself is not going to design a bathroom that women want to use.

Between a wedding and a family reunion, I’ve been traveling around a lot in the last two weeks, so this is an open letter of protest to whoever is building women’s restrooms.

Dir Sir,

1. Restrooms are not a place where men and women are equal. Due to that gift of nature that makes women want to rip off your head once a month, women need to use the restrooms more frequently than men. Build bigger bathrooms for women. Because having to wait in long lines makes us want to rip your head off even more.

2. Hand sensors at the sink are more trouble than they're worth. In theory sensors are a good idea. They would be a great idea if every restroom had them, but since some don’t, I find myself automatically holding my hands out underneath the faucet and waiting there like some desert traveler begging for water. And then I feel foolish when the person next to me walks up and flips the faucet handle on. A public restroom is not the place where I want to explain to strangers that I'm neither crazy nor incompetent when it comes to plumbing--I've just been conditioned, like one of Pavlov's famous pets, to stand there with my hands outstretched waiting for something to happen.

Also the faucet sensor is an especially annoying feature if you happen to knock your camera into the sink with your purse while you are wrestling paper towels out of a recalcitrant paper towel dispenser. This is not a time when you want the faucet to automatically turn on.

3. Automatic flush sensors at the toilet. This is a feature that men probably think women like. This is because men have never used these sorts of toilets in conjunction with the tissue paper toilet seat covers. Men, let me clue you into what happens when you use the two things together.

Step one: pull out the tissue paper cover from the wall receptacle.

Step two: tear out the middle so it will fit on the toilet.

Step three: carefully place the now ready tissue paper over the toilet seat to protect yourself from germs, grime, and the invisible toilet monsters that lurk in public restrooms.

Step four: start to do the necessary undressing.

Step five: watch as the toilet sensor decides the tissue paper constitutes something that needs to be flushed and whisks it and the water down the bowl.

Step six: repeat

        4. Hand sensors on the paper towel dispenser. Are you noticing a theme? You should. I frequently look like I'm practicing a jazz hands routine while I wave pointlessly at the paper towel dispenser. Either I am actually a vampire and have no body heat, or those sensors are temperamental things that hang onto their hoard of paper towels with Scrooge-like diligence.

Well, I'm back home now. Back to work and deadlines and my real life, but thankfully also back to my non-sensored bathroom.

More proof that authors are crazy

Authors are clearly crazy. Think about it. We make up a bunch of people and then write long drawn out conversations between them. Sometimes we have them kill each other and we cry over their demise. Craziness, pure and simple.

Authors also do things like spend months working on a project in the hope that some day, someone will want to pay them for it. Would truck drivers do this? Would plumbers? I think not.

But in case you needed more proof, take the case of Ray Dolin, who was working on a book called Kindness in America. He faked a drive by shooting in order to promote the book. Um, yeah, I'm willing to do a lot of things to promote my books, but shooting myself is not one of them. I have--in the spirit of promotion--offered to shoot my editor. I mean, I bet that would make people remember the book. But alas, thus far none of my editors has been willing to take one for the team, so to speak.

The sad thing about all of this is that even though Ray Dolin's hoax was discovered, his book has gotten an awful lot of publicity over the event. And what works for one author, other authors are sure to implement. I'm afraid this will lead to a rash of author shootings. ALA may turn into the equivalent of the old west. (Make sure you keep your distance from James Dashner and Robison Wells for a while. Both of them frequently have that crazed look in their eyes . . .)

Although I'm determined to stay out of the line of fire, I'm trying to think of ways to take my promotion to the next level. My next book is a time travel dystopia. So I've decided to time travel to promote the book. Anyone who knows how to get hold of Dr. Who's phone booth, let me know.

Things not to write in the wedding book

 My oldest daughter (code name Serena, after her favorite cartoon character) is getting married this week. My baby. If I had Prozac, I would be taking it. Instead I am consuming large amounts of chocolate, which probably doesn't work as well as Prozac but tastes much better. Utah readers, if you're coming to the reception bring me some Almond Joys as I'll be stuck in the receiving line and therefore unable to hang out by the chocolate fountain with a mug.

Anyway, in honor of the happy nuptials I'm going to rerun my list of the top ten things not to write in the bride and groom's wedding book. (That I originally posted for my niece's wedding.)

 I've never known what to write in the guest book. I mean, it's a keepsake that the bride and groom will cherish forever and you want to write something deep, meaningful, and unique but after standing with the pen poised in your hand for long enough that the line backs up, you finally scrawl out, "Best Wishes!" and move on.

 So our family got to talking about that . Or rather, we talked about the things that you should not write in the bride and groom's guest book. Here is the top ten list of things you shouldn't write:

1. This was really nice for your first wedding.
2. It's not too late for a pre-nup.
3. The office pool is giving you two years.
4. And who says you can't find nice bridal dresses at Walmart?
5. Apparently she couldn't have done better.
6. We don't actually know you. We just came for the food.
7. He must be a good catch; his first three wives had no complaints, God rest their souls.
8. For your wedding gift I got you that supply of penicillin.
9. At last, you found a way to get your green card!
10. Don't worry. Her ex didn't make parole.

In one minute: Why you should keep a journal

I love this freeze frame. It looks like my expression after my husband tells me that the dog has a stomach ailment--but no, I'm actually talking about why you should keep a journal.

The worst pick up lyrics Award 2012

Last year I created the Enrique Iglesia Memorial Worst Pickup Lyrics in a Song Award. The award bears Enrique's name due to his touching and romantic song:  I Want To--insert the crassest term you can think of here--You Tonight.

I'm not sure there's enough money or fame to make that line work on most women, but apparently Enrique isn't all that picky.

(To see the five contending songs for last years award, you can follow this link: http://janette-rallison.blogspot.com/2011/04/vote-for-worst-song-pick-up-lines_26.html )

I was going to post popular songs here and have readers vote on them, but truly I'm not sure any songs can compete with Train's Drive By lyrics. It just wins, hands down as the ultimate stalker song. Don't get me wrong.  I love the tune. It has 27 million views on Youtube and most of them are mine.  But what was Train thinking when they wrote the lyrics? Here's how the song goes:

On the other side of a street I knew, stood a girl that looked like you. I guess that's deja vu. But I thought this can't be true, cause you moved to west L.A or New York or Santa Fe or wherever to get away from me.

What? Listen Train, if you have girls moving across the country in order to avoid you, this is a clear indication that you're doing something very wrong in the romance department.

Oh but that one night was more than just right. I didn't leave you cause I was all through. Oh I was overwhelmed, and frankly scared as h*ll, because I really fell for you.

Wait--the girl in question moved across country after only one night?  Someone was scared as h*ll and it wasn't you. Have you checked recently to see if your photograph might be among those listed on the FBI's  most wanted site?

Oh I swear to you, I'll be there for you. This is not a drive by.

A drive by . . . as in a shooting?  Given the other lyrics, maybe this is not the best phrase to use . . .


Just a shy guy looking for a two ply hefty bag to hold my love.

People use two ply hefty bags to hold many things--love aint one of them. Body parts, yeah, those would fit.

When you move me everything is groovy. They don't like it sue me. Mmm the way you do me.
Oh I swear to you I'll be there for you. This is not a drive by.

They don't like it sue me?  Exactly how many times have people brought legal action against you for your romantic behavior?  And is the phrase "I'll be there for you," supposed to make the girl feel better?  Dude, she moved across the country and didn't tell you where.  Get the hint. The last thing she wants is for you to be anywhere around.

The song goes on. Sadly the lyrics don't get any better.  They leave the listener wanting to yell at the poor girl, "Run!  Run! Flee as fast as you can!"

So I think I'm going to have to just award Train the Enrique Award. However, I'm willing to be open minded. If you know of a popular song with worst lyrics, by all means, let me know.

Comicon, where else can you chat with the Grim Reaper

Friday and Saturday I did panels at the Phoenix Comicon. I've got to say, it was a memorable experience.  Here I am chatting with the Grim Reaper. Turns out that Grim is a fan. Who knew, right? I guess even Death needs a laugh once in awhile.

Here I am with my fairy wings, getting ready for my panel on the fair folk with awesome authors, Janni Lee Simner and Aprilynne Pike.  Great panel and pretty well attended considering  it was at the same time as William Shatner's panel. (It never fails; whenever I teach at a conference, my class falls at the same time as a class I want to go to.)  But this is what made my outfit extra awesome.  Author and jewelry maker Shelia Nielson made me a Chrysanthemum Everstar fairy necklace.  Here is a closer view of it:

And if you're reading this before midnight Sunday night head on over to her blog because she's giving away a really cool mermaid necklace to go with her book Forbidden Sea. (I'm already jealous of whoever wins it.)
http://www.windwaithemermaid.blogspot.com/2012/05/forbidden-sea-mermaid-contest-giveaway.html

Why I hate graduation decorations

Okay, here's the horrible thing about parenting.  You put in 18 years of work, love, and care into your children--nurturing them from the time they were nothing but a lump of cells, and then when your children graduate from high school--Bam!--they leave home. FOREVER.

I see no reason to celebrate this event. I cried for two weeks when my oldest daughter graduated. When my oldest son graduated, I sobbed all day--and I knew he was living at home while he went to college for the first year.

My point is, why do retailers think we need balloons and streamers to remind us of the impending end of childhood?

This is what retailers think I see when I walk into the grocery store:

This is what I actually see:

Yeah, and that in a nutshell (or a piece of cake) is why I hate graduation decorations.

In Which I lose again

It's that special time of year--the time when I lose the Whitney Award to someone else. (This year, to Rob Wells for his book Variant.) As is the tradition (that I started, by the way. I am an experienced loser.) the losers gather after the event to drown their sorrow in cheesecake and to glower.  Personally, I think it's the funnest thing that happens at the Whitneys.

Here I am with the lovely Michele Holmes, Julie Wright, Jenni James, Jessica Day George and Theresa Sneed. A fine class of losers if I do say so myself.

And here's another picture where Melanie Jacobson joined us in the cheesecake circle.  You can see Dan Wells is trying to sneak into the picture--because yes, we are that cool. But he is totally not part of our in crowd. True, he lost his category, but then he went and blew his photo op opportunity by winning best book. Whatever, Dan. Maybe you can join us next year.

In which I hop and give away a fairy godmother

Actually, I'm not hopping--you are. Which is a good thing because frankly I'm too tired.  Inspired Kathy, who put this blog hop together, told me that I'm not allowed to give you long lists of things to do in order to enter my give-away.  However, she didn't say I couldn't require you to walk into your nearest bookstore, grab one of my novels to your bosom and shout, "At long last I'll own a Janette Rallison novel! I can die happy now!"

Yeah, do that.

And also leave a comment telling me a fairy tale you'd like to see in my next fairy godmother book. Once I get done with the four novels I'm working on now (Yes, four. Someone shoot me.)I'll need to figure out where Chrysanthemum Everstar will send the next poor hapless girl she's trying to help.

May the magic ever be in your favor.