Oh Rats . . . literally

Sometimes fans give me things. I'm always appreciative. I have a really cool apron, a framed picture of a stone angel, and a Barbie doll made to look like Chrissy that reader friends have given me. This is a perk I never expected when I first started writing, and I always find a special place in the house for such gifts. But lately I got a gift that I'm not sure where to put.

Let me explain. It started with an email conversation my writing friend, Angela Fox, and I were having. She said, "I don't give a rat's tush* what So-N-So** thinks."

(*Not the real word she used)
(**Not the real name she used.)

I wrote back to her, "Well, it's a good thing you don't give a rat's tush what So-N-So thinks, because I clearly remember you promising me all of your rats' tushes."

Sometimes I am witty in my emails like that.

But Angela is always wittier, because at the book launch she showed up and gave me plastic rats all through the event. Some of them were as big as chihuahuas and had scary red eyes. I laughed a lot. People probably thought Angela and I were a little strange, which strictly speaking is true.

I brought the rats home and tried to find a place for them. I must admit I'm having trouble finding the right spot. At first I tried one of the doll cases. (I have three.)

It didn't seem to be a good match. So then I tried the coffee table.

But I thought visitors might not appreciate the rat motif. So then I tried upstairs by the reading angel which sits next to one of the bookcases. (I have eight--but that's not a sign of hoarding because I'm a writer.)

Here you can see some of the smaller rats. They're gray. Knowing that this surface is frequently engulfed in clutter (which is normal because I have five children, and so is not a sign of hoarding tendencies either) I decided to try the rats in my room.
Here they are on my dresser.

As you can see, they didn't work here either. My dolls look distinctly creeped out by the rats. (And yes, even though I have three doll cases, I still can't fit all my dolls into them, which actually may be a symptom of hoarding, but we aren't going to talk about that.)
So, while I try to find a place for the rats, my friendly little dog is doing everything she can to welcome the new editions.

Want a Slayers sticker?

The Slayers book launch was awesome! I always love meeting fellow book fans. As you can see, during the middle of my presentation I broke out into song, performing several opera medleys.

Okay, not really.

For some reason the pictures my husband takes of me during launches always turn out rather odd looking. (Better make sure you make it to the next book launch to check out what I'm really doing.)

Here I am telling audience members about my cool Slayers bumper stickers. I think everybody should want one of these because if you have a Slayers bumper sticker, the cars behind you will think twice about cutting you off.

If you want your very own Slayers sticker, email me with your name and address at jrallisonfans at yahoo dot com and I'll send you one. (US addresses only. If you're out of the US, you can still get one by sending me a self-addressed envelope.)

Slayers Book launch Oct 4th

I'm temporarily interrupting the Slayers' book trailer adoration and giveaway to remind you that the Slayers book launch is tomorrow at Changing Hands book store at 7:00 pm 6428 S Mcclintock Dr, Tempe, AZ

Besides telling you all about Slayers and giving out Slayer stickers and posters, I'll be giving away eight of my back titles and you'll find out what your secret dragon-fighting superpower is.

You don't want to miss it!

See you there.

Slayers book trailer and give-away

This is an awesome book trailer and why I love Matt Morrell. If you're looking for a great trailer, he's your man. (And how many guys do you know who have three sets of double letters in their name?)

Leave a comment on either this blog or on http://cjhillbooks.blogspot.com about your favorite part of the trailer for a chance to win a copy of the book.

Slayers is officially released! My Unfair Godmother and Slayers give-away and

Yes, that magical day that we've all been waiting for is almost upon us. I'll be talking about Slayers at the Hamilton Library in Chandler on the 28th and the book launch will be at Changing Hands on Oct 4.

I just got my author copies of Slayers today and I have to say the cover looks better in real life than it does on all the pictures I've been posting. The gold lettering is shiny. It's oh so spiffy.

To win it or a copy of My Unfair Godmother (which is also chalked full of awesomeness) do the following: (Just realized that's a pun.)

Leaving a comment on the CJ Hill blog will get you one chance.
Being a follower of the CJ Hill blog will get you another chance.
Announcing this give-away and or posting the cover of Slayers on your blog/facebook/ or twitter and telling your peeps that Slayers is coming out Sept 27 will get you three chances.

Tansy Miller has always felt that her divorced father has never had enough time for her. But mistakenly getting caught on the wrong side of the law wasn' texactly how she wanted to get his attention. Enter Chrysanthemum "Chrissy" Everstar, Tansy's fairy in shining, er, high heels. Chrissy is only a fair godmother, of course, so Tansy's three wishes don't exactly go according to plan. And if bringing Robin Hood to the twenty-first century isn't bad enough for Tansy, being transported back to the Middle Ages to deal with Rumpelstiltskin certainly is. She'll need the help of her blended family, her wits, and especially the cute police chief 's son to stop the gold-spinning story from spinning wildly out of control. Janette Rallison pulls out all the stops in this fresh, fun-filled follow-up to the popular My Fair Godmother.

Give-away: How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-boyfriend & trailer

I took your advice and with the help of my awesome friend, Angela Fox, I changed the music for the How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-boyfriend trailer.



Let me know what you think of the new music choice.

Also Random.org will choose one of the commenters to win a copy of How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-boyfriend.

Other Downgrades We Should Make

In light of the S&P downgrade to America’s credit rating, we here at the Rallison Think Tank have been pondering what other things in the world ought to be downgraded. We’ve come up with a list of ten.

1) The Great Salt Lake. It has now been downgraded to: The Average Salt Lake. With that fishy smell, um, it’s really not all that great.

2) Mars. For decades it’s promised us invading Martians with ray guns, but thus far all the planet has produced in the way of scientific interest is the possibility that it once had water. Big deal. We’re downgrading it to: Pluto.

3) Rock stars with royalty names. Sorry Prince and Lady Gaga. Although we like some of your songs and you amuse us with your sparkly clown outfits, you’re still not monarchs. We’re downgrading you to: ‘talented peasants’ status and will refer to you respectively as “Wench Gaga” and “Plow Boy”.

4) California. Its motto says that it’s The Golden State. But with gold prices being what they are, we’re downgrading California to: The Plastic State. It fits better anyway.

5) Las Vegas. For years it has been luring tourists to its casinos with pictures of girls in feathered headdresses and promises that transferring our bank accounts into the slot machines will be fun! But I don’t think so. We’re downgrading Las Vegas from a vacation destination to: A Sauna With Flashing Lights. And we’re changing its name to Loss Vegas.

6) Hershey Kisses. With a name like “Kisses” and a product that is supposedly made of chocolate, you’d think this candy would be something to swoon over. But no. Hershey Kisses actually have a waxy taste, which makes us wonder who Hershey was kissing. We are therefore downgrading Hershey Kisses to: Brown Crayons.

7) The dollar. Due to its buying power, it’s been downgraded and will now be referred to as: A Flammable Quarter.

8) The physical book. It’s not that I don’t love them. I want bookstores to sell lots of physical books. But alas, the experts keep predicting their demise and last I heard, sales were down 40 percent. Therefore we sadly downgrade physical books to: The Hallmark Card Section of the Grocery Store. People who care, still want to send the very best. We will now stop with this analogy as we are sniffling.

9) The Great Wall of China. Okay it’s big and impressive but did it ever really stop anybody from invading? Therefore we’re downgrading it to: The Longest Tourist Site Ever Created By Man.

10) Congress. We’re downgrading it to: A Reality Show. And we wish it wasn’t our reality that it was messing up.

A book trailer question

Hello my blogworld friends. I decided to have a book trailer for one of my backlist books, How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-boyfriend (With the hope that eventually I'll have trailers made for all of them.) and since I couldn't find an upbeat song that I liked and that had words that matched, I told my rent-a-teen Andie, to just use the instrumental for You've Got My Heart.

I think it turned out cute, but my daughter pointed out that after the trailer for Ex-boyfriend is played on Youtube, the next one that comes up is My Unfair Godmother, which uses the vocal of the same song. She thinks it seems unprofessional to use the same song for both trailers.

I'm going back and forth as to whether or not she's right. So what do you think? Can you watch both trailers and tell me whether you think I should have Ex-boyfriend's redone with a new song?

If you missed the call on writing romance

You can still hear it by going to this link: http://authorsadvisory.blogspot.com/2011/07/20-janette-rallison-romance-romance.html

Please ignore all those instances when I sound like I'm drunk. Really, there is no better way to make yourself tounge-tied than to know you are being recorded and the recording will be available forever and ever.

The book thieves book reviews--and a conference call

I've heard from more than one teacher that books frequently go missing from their classroom libraries. Personally, I think it's a compliment. (This is because I'm not paying for the books.) Kids liked the novels so much that they resorted to a life of crime in order to possess them.

My daughter made a collage of all the books that went missing from her class last school year. I think she sent the picture out to parents to see if they had spotted any of the wayward books at their homes. I passed on a lot of books to her that I didn't like so much, and yeah, none of those got stolen, which just proves that even thieves have taste.



I am very proud that two of my books were among those stolen!

And in other news, I'm going to do a conference call about writing romance next Wednesday, the 27th. I'll post more info about that here when I get it.

Why Disney villains should be nervous at the Grand Canyon.

Have you ever noticed that an inordinate amount of Disney villains meet their doom by falling from high places? The wicked queen from Snow White was the first, but by no means the last. Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, the evil queen from Enchanted, and Mother Gothel from Tangled all bit the dust that way. Shan Yu form Mulan flew off on a rocket, so we can assume there was some falling involved with his demise as well.

Of course not all Disney villains die exactly that way. Disney likes to mix things up once in awhile. Scar from The Lion King fell and then got eaten by hyenas. The film Mega Mind started with Mega Mind falling to earth and then the movie went on to tell about his formative years and all of the events that led to his fall. I'm sure I’m missing many other Disney fallers, but according to the first website I saw after I googled the phrase: “How many films has Disney produced?” there are 318 Disney movies and one cannot be expected to remember all the grisly deaths.

Suffice it to say, falling is a popular way to end one’s existence.

What does that have to do with my recent vacation, you may ask. I’ll tell you. The Rallison clan just went to The Grand Canyon and Bryce Canyon--which is still pretty darn grand even if it doesn’t use the word in the title. Some canyons are modest that way.

Here we are smiling at the start of our trip. There are signs that tell you to be careful when you turn your back on the canyon to take pictures, as this is how most people fall in. They forget how close they are to the edge and take a step backward. We made sure we were far away from the edge.


Here is a picture of what looks like my middle daughter lovingly putting her hand on her little sister’s shoulder.

I'm pretty sure Middle Daughter is doing this as a way to make sure Youngest Daughter doesn’t do a Disney Villain and plunge off the side. Youngest daughter has no built-in fear gage and is much too daring.

Middle Daughter has already saved Youngest Daughter’s life once. When Youngest Daughter was about four we were walking along Newport Beach and a rogue wave nearly carried Youngest Daughter out to sea. Thankfully, Middle Daughter was standing nearby and grabbed Youngest Daughter before she was swept away. Youngest Daughter laughed with delight during this incident but Middle Daughter and I remain traumatized to this day.

At any rate, one has to watch Youngest Daughter very carefully.

So then of course the next thing we did was go horseback riding at Bryce Canyon. This was perhaps not the cautious thing to do since the last time we rode horses, Youngest Daughter’s horse bit Middle Daughter’s horse which caused a horse fight in which there was actual rodeo-like bucking.


Somehow this didn’t dim Youngest Daughter’s love of horses. Middle Daughter, however, refused to go on a horseback ride anywhere near a canyon.

Here is a picture of Youngest Son by the edge of Bryce Canyon.


When we got to this point, I was beginning to agree with Middle Daughter about the whole horse/canyon thing, but by then it was too late. My horse went right to the edge to eat the grass growing there.


One side note about my horse: His name was Zero. I thought that was an odd name until I mounted him and he proceeded to walk around the corral putting his face into the other horses' butts. Then I realized zero was the amount of friends he had.

So there I was on the edge of Bryce Canyon, my horse happily munching on grass, and all the other horses followed him, thus boxing him in. He turned sideways, walked a few steps, then turned his back on the Canyon.

This is when I realized that not only was I on a horse with no social skills, he couldn't read either. It was entirely possible that he was going to take an unintentional step backward. Or one of the other horses might have been fed up with his butt-nudging antics and decided to push him over. Heaven knows, if I were one of those horses, I would have been tempted.

Which is why I was very glad that I have never been a Disney Villain.

I lived to vacation another day.

And no, this picture isn't photoshopped. This is the sort of thing gymnasts do.

The next manuscript status

I finally finished my next manuscript, Hunters and Hunted. I think this is the only book that has taken me over a year to write. It was my default manuscript—meaning, I wrote on it during those rare times when I was in between revision letters or copy edits from two different publishers. (By the way, I’m now writing for another publisher too. Harper bought Time Riders. More on that in a later blog)

So, while I’ve been waiting for Harper’s revision letter, I finished Hunters and Hunted. This was harder than one might imagine because Hunters and Hunted took a ton of research. My main character spends quite a bit of time in Boston—some of the time being pursued by the antagonist, so I had to plot out a course for her using Google street view. I now love Google street view, as it saved me a trip to Boston. (Oh wait, maybe a trip to Boston would have been fun. Dang!)

I’m a little nervous about how readers will react to Hunters and Hunted . It's quite different from my usual romantic comedies. This book isn’t a comedy at all. In fact, people are killed by flesh-eating scarabs. (More on why I wrote it, later.)

Here are the first reviews:

My mom: “It was great! I read it twice!” (Of course, one must take into account, that she is my mother and loves everything I do. She also told me I was the prettiest girl in my school.)

My husband:” It was good. I liked it.” This as much enthusiasm as he ever musters for any of my books. He generally only reads nonfiction.

Middle Daughter’s review (well, at least the review of the last chapter): “FINALLY one of your characters turned away from a kiss. Usually it’s, ‘I don't want to kiss you but you make me feel wanted!’ mwah mwah mwah.” (Those are kissy sounds.)

I was actually surprised by Middle Daughter’s review. I wanted to say, “My characters aren’t like that.” But then I thought about it. Maybe they are. I’m not going to analyze what this means about me though, because it might mean that as a teenager I kissed far too many boys far too quickly. And I’ll never admit to that.

Now I’m waiting for my agent’s review . . .

A fairy good school visit

I did a lot of book events last year. I spoke at three conferences, a book festival, and the ALAN convention in Orlando. I had a blast at all of it, but there is just something extra fun about doing school visits and getting to meet the students who read my books. Here are some pictures of my last school visit of the year at the awesome Sonrise Christian School in California.

All of you guys out there who want to be writers--this is the payback for all of those long days when you don't have time to shower and the even worse days when you get the revision letters and wonder why on earth you keep doing this to yourself when you clearly would be happier as a truck driver. Not that I think that . . . very often . . .

Look, I'm on the sign:
This is a picture librarian Sandi Lehnhard sent me before the visit. It's always a good sign when kids are reading your books before you come to speak to them.

And here is a group of awesome kids who will go far in life. I know this because they already have impeccable taste in literature.

They made a special Fairy Godmother smoothie in my honor. And it was really yummy. It's probably a good thing I don't have access to more of these, or I wouldn't fit into my school-visit-black-pants come next fall.

I keep this fairy wand on my dresser next to my Beanie Baby stork. But then, my dresser is a subject for a whole nother blog. (And yes, I realize that the phrase 'whole nother' is bad grammar. But I refuse to pay attention to the rules of grammar until they make sense. This will include an apology for putting an 'H' in the word 'which' when the word 'sandwich' doesn't have one. Also someone will need to explain why recipe isn't pronounced re-cipe.)

Anyway, it was a good end to the school year.

More Doll Wrecks

Since it's Fathers Day, I could do something on power tools, but no, I'm going to do a blog on children (They make fathers, after all) well, more specifically fake children. Also known as dolls. Those of you who know me, know that I have a doll thing. I'm especially impressed--and horrified by reborn dolls. They're supposed to look lifelike and at any given time there are hundreds on eBay going for hundreds of dollars. Here are some examples of some good ones so you know what they're supposed to look like:


Amazing, huh? Beautiful, right?

I want to hug and coo over these dolls. So you can see why they can go for a lot of money on auction sites. That said, there are a lot of dolls on eBay that just don't seem to capture what reborn dolls are supposed to be. In the constructive criticism of the Cake Wrecks blog, I want to offer a few words of advice to doll painters.

My words for this one are, "No. No. No." What were we going for? Demon child perhaps? Gollum's offspring?


Another word of advice: Blush is nice, but if you use too much of it, people will look at your doll and want to call child protective services.

Yeah, that would be too much of the red stuff.

There seems to be a new trend to have baby dolls open-mouthed and crying. This is another place where the words, "No. No. No." come to mind.


Here's another No:


And here's the baby that ate Detroit:


And here's one for every parent who wants their child to grow up to be a circus clown. Or an elf.

Oh, one last word of advice to doll makers: Lips are not optional. Your doll really should have them. I mean, blankets can only hide so much.

Well, I bet at this point you're all thinking how beautiful your children are, because they look nothing like these last dolls. So true. Really, reborn dolls offer society a valuable service.

Finding the perfect fantasy name

Dave Farland, fantasy author extraordinaire, says that authors should never just choose their fantasy names randomly. They need to have resonance. Therefore, to come up with a good fantasy name for your character/place/animal group/whatever-the-heck-you're-naming you need to have a process. Dave suggests listing words that convey the main idea, and then combining them to come up with a new name.

For example, George Lucas may have used the words: death, dearth, and invader to come up with the name: Darth Vader.

JK Rowling probably did something similar when she came up with name Draco Malfoy. Draco means dragon, the foy sorta of sounds like annoy, and Mal in Spanish means bad (and if I weren't so lazy, I'd check to see if the root is actually Latin--after all, we have words like malevolent, malpractice,and Maleficent. Okay, Maleficent is actually the wicked queen in Disney's Sleeping Beauty, but you can see they totally did the same thing to come up with her name. Mal plus magnificent equals Maleficent.)

I was glad to learn this naming trick since I randomly picked several names when I wrote my science fiction novel, Time Riders. Not long ago, I rewrote the book for the national market (I'll hopefully have news about that next week) and I figured I would do the whole naming thing right this time.

I needed a name for a group of thugs who live outside the city and who kill anyone who isn't well armed. Here's how it worked for me:


Outlaws + Gangsters = Outsters . . . Nope. But the name would work for a cool rock band.

Gangsters + Hoodlums = Ganglums . . . Sounds like a gum disease you get if you don't floss.

Gangsters + Robbers = Ganglers . . . Nah,this one sounds like things that dangle in spiderwebs.

Bandits + Robbers = Bandlers . . . This happens when the clarinet section goes bad.

Bandits + Hoodlums = Bandlums . . . Ditto.

Outlaws + horror = Orrers . . . Either people who row boats or a British person swearing.

Weeds + evil = weevils . . . I get these in my flour sometimes, and they are nasty.

Grief + evil + robbers = Greevers . . . Hmm. Didn't James Dashner use this term for his monsters in Maze Runner? I wonder how he came up with the term.

vikings + robbers = Vikers . . . Success. And I'm not just saying this because every other combination was ridiculous or already in a James Dashner novel. I like Vikers. In fact, I like it so much that I already used it in the original version of Time Riders. It was an insult. So basically, yeah, after this whole exercise, I just ended up stealing from myself.

Authors are totally like that.

Random things I've learned while researching Hunters and Hunted

The cool thing about writing is that I'm always learning something new--whether I want to or not. This is because my characters have much more interesting lives than I do. They travel around, have talents, hobbies, stuff like that.

I'm working on a really cool book called Hunters and Hunted. In it, my character goes to Antarctica, Boston, Egypt, and England. I was actually planning a trip to Egypt, because I've always wanted to go and this seemed like the perfect excuse.

But yeah, now there's all that social unrest.

So once again it's me and a bunch of books and the internet. But here are some cool things I've learned so far:

Ramesses the Great had red hair. How cool is that? He had something in common with Henry the Eighth--besides the fact that they both had a lot of wives. Ramesses had over a hundred children. Henry had what? Just Elizabeth? (I'm not researching the Middle Ages right now, so I don't know.)Still,

You have to fight a lot of wars to be considered "the Great". Ramesses the Second (Of Moses fame) had the title and so did Alexander. Everybody else is just, you know, So-So.

There are approximately a ka-jillion species of beetles on the earth. Some scarabs will fly for up to ten miles to find their favorite kind of poop to eat. The ancient Egyptians thought that all scarabs were male. Can you blame them? I mean, would you expect girl beetles to eat poop? I bet scarabs also have burping contests and scratch themselves in public.

Paul Revere didn't actually ride through the streets of Boston yelling, "The British are coming!" It would have been very foolish if he had, as most of the people at the time considered themselves to be British.

Things I still need to research:

How long Boston blocks are. I'm not sure if they're really short like New York blocks or really long like Arizona ones.

If there are surveillance cameras in the Oxford libraries.

What the security is like at the Great Pyramids (Oh, that's another way you can be great: be bigger than all the other pyramids)and the Valley of the Kings. Do they have security guards patrolling the area?

If you happen to know any of these facts, please let me know.

More Book Trailer Music

It’s time to make a book trailer for the next book in the queue. I’ve spent two days listening to over a hundred and fifty different sound tracks and have learned one very important thing. When you listen non stop to action/adventure soundtracks you lose all objectivity about them.

At first they all sounded too urgent and too noble. They brought to mind Frodo and Aragorn fleeing on horses in Middle Earth. Then I was thinking, no, these are actually all good. So now I'm turning it over to you, my objective blogg fans, to tell me if any of them work.

Slayers isn't one of my usual romantic comedies. True there are some funny parts and my heroine is often snarky, but it's really an adventure. Here's the script for the book trailer thus far:

17 years ago, a dragon keeper secretly brought a pair of dragon eggs through the DC area.

It was a mistake.

Because the dragons emit a pulse that turns certain children into dragon slayers.

Tori doesn’t know why she’s always had a fascination with dragons. They’re not something a socialite, senator’s daughter is supposed to be interested in.

But she finally convinces her parents to let her go to Dragon Camp.

She finds a group of teens who are keeping secrets,

and playing games,

and risking their lives to protect DC.

She has to find her power before the dragon finds her.

Slayers

Here are the background music choices:

http://audiojungle.net/item/movie-trailer-credits-intro/156037

I like this one because it feels more like an actual song then just a building crescendo. (But then, maybe I need a building crescendo?)

http://audiojungle.net/item/cinematic-metal-trailer/176324

Although I'm not a fan of anything heavy metal, and routinelly make my eldest son turn it off and then give him lectures on screechy-devil-music, I sorta like the brief switch to heavy metal in this piece. If it was timed right to come in on the secrets/games/saving DC part it would be a nice emphasis.

http://audiojungle.net/item/cinematic-pack/126710

This one is actually three songs put together, and it is a tribute to my sudden unobjectivity that I'm like, hmmm, maybe that one would work . . . or that one. Or maybe Trailerbook can just mix and match parts of the music to match the words. I really don't know anymore.

So let me know what you think.

And thank you, thank you, for weighing in.

Vote for the Worst Song Pick-up Lines: The Enrique Award

At my last writing critique group, we were sitting around talking about bad song lyrics. My friend, Melinda, told me that Enrique Iglesias's song I want to Love You Tonight actually was called I want to--insert the crassest term you can think of here--You Tonight. I looked it up on Youtube, and yep, she was right. (Side note: Enrique Iglesias and Paris Hilton are proof that nobody should grow up rich and famous.)

The amazing thing to me is why anybody would write a song with those lyrics. I mean, what half-educated and moderately sane man thinks this is the way to impress women?

Unfortunately, Enrique isn't alone in his horrible lyrics. In fact, I'm going to start a new blog tradition called the Enrique Awards. The award will be given to songs with the worst pick-up lines ever.

I have five contenders for the first award, taken from songs from the last few years. Blog commenters, you will choose the winner.

Entry number 1
Ticks by Brad Paisley


Okay, we never expected country music to be sophisticated poetry, but there's a limit to what country songs can get away with, and this song sadly reached it with the lyrics: I'd like to check you for ticks. How romantic. As long as your at it, check for lice too.

Entry number 2
Baby by Justin Beiber

Justin is adorable. I want to wrap him up in a box and take him home. For some reason, he brings to mind that Shawn Cassidy crush I had as a teen. But these lyrics don't work: I want to play it cool, but I'm losing you. I'll buy you anything, I'll buy you any ring.

Um, come again?

This song is about a guy who is trying to buy a girl's love? Because that's what you want in a girlfriend--someone who's willing to stay with you if the money is good enough.

Entry number 3
In My Head by Jason Derulo


I love this song. Catchy tune, awesome beat, and if you want to sing something that will embarrass your teenage children, look no further! But someone needs to take Jason aside and explain a few things about women to him; as evidenced by the lines: Some dudes know all the right things to say. When it comes down to it, it's all just game. Instead of talking, let me demonstrate. Get down to business and skip foreplay.

Jason, my friend, you need to talk to one of those dudes who know all the right things to say--because this isn't it. And that's why all of this is going to stay in your head.


Entry number 4
I Need You Now by Lady Antebellum


I know, I know, this song was song of the year, or some such thing, but that still doesn't make the lyrics good.

It's a quarter after one; I'm a little drunk and I need you now. Translation: I love you, but only when I'm drunk enough.

Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now. Translation: That restraining order doesn't apply after midnight, does it?

Entry number 5
I added this one just to show that girls can sing horrible pick-up lines too.


Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls


(Okay, this is a representational picture of the pussycat dolls, since the girls on the cover of the actual album didn't look like freaks, they looked more like, um, hookers.)

So how about those great lyrics:Don't ya wish your girlfriend was a freak, like me?

We can safely assume not. Last time we checked, there were more than enough freaky women to go around for everyone who wanted one. Women with intelligence and class--those are a little harder to come by.

Maybe we should write songs about those types of women.

So those are the contenders for the Enrique Award. Place your vote!

Book launch photos and fairy visitors

It always cracks me up to see pictures of myself while I'm presenting. I'm sure these facial expressions made sense at the time, but looking at them after the fact, you have to wonder what I was saying.
Here I am clearly explaining just how the eensy weensy spider got up the water spout.

Anyway, it all went well and I met lots of awesome people. Here are some:
Awesome!


And of course all the cool fairys dropped by.


Fairies are big readers


and writers.

And this is, of course, how I will be writing my next novel--by magic wand.

My Unfair Godmother is here!

Or at least it should be. If it's not, you should stand around your local bookstore and in a loud voice say, "I demand you get me a copy of My Unfair Godmother forthwith!"

It's 12:35 AM. Just for the heck of it I went on to Amazon to see my sales rank. It's at 32,854 which is actually better than I expected. There are already nine used copy for sale. Where do these people get their copies? Mine are supposed to show up tomorrow. Are Walker interns pocketing the books or something?

Anyway, today's give-away is a copy of My Unfair Godmother--complete with a bonus mistake left over from the whole straw/hay debacle.

Here's the deal. My good buddy, Random.org, and I will choose a winner at the end of each day. (The end of each day depends on when I go to bed, so comment early.) Commenting will get you one chance. If you're also a follower you get two chances (be sure to tell me you're a follower in your comment), and if you put something about this giveaway on your blog or facebook status you get four chances. (Put the link to your post in your comment.)

***But today in order to get the extra points for blogging/tweeting/facebook statusing you need to have something that says the book is released today. Oh, and you can comment on Facebook, Goodreads, or my website blog. I will be counting all of those comments.

May the Random.org be with you!

Give-away and Very Cool Book Trailer

Okay, yes, I know I've sort of messed up the whole orderly system of give-aways that I was trying to do. I've learned that one shouldn't do give-aways when one is traveling around the country as you never know what the Internet situation is going to be. Seriously, today when I tried to open my email, it told me I had a mailbox full of messages from 12/31/2069. Apparently I've been time traveling

(And I'm way behind mailing the said books to my winners--sorry about that, they will get to you!)

But before I list the next give-aways, you need to look at my awesome new book trailer. It sparkles! I love it. (I am still thinking of putting one version out with the other music though)

If you're interested in getting a book trailer made yourself (I know some of you followers are writers too) go to his website at trailerbook.net and fill out an information form. He does book trailers from cheap to expensive (mine was mid-range)

Anyway, so the books on the give-away schedule are: signed copies of Black Sand, by Lisa Finder and Haunts Haven, by Joan Sowards. These are copies of books that I bought from other authors while I was doing book signings.

Leave a comment for one chance, tell me you're a follower for two, if you include a blog/facebook/twitter link about the give-away it's four chances, and if you follow me on twitter it's five.

Until tomorrow--Internet providers providing--I'll chat with you again.

Internet Problems

Just for the record, I wanted to let you know I tried to pick a winner last night or rather, at 4:00 a.m. That was the time we finally got situated in our hotel room after our flight was delayed for hours coming out of Phoenix.

Ah, the joys of flying.

(But lest there be any of those Internet thieves we're always being warned about, I must add here that there are currently more people at my house than would normally be there, along with my vicious gaurd dogs and troops of ninja cats.)

But even at the late/early hour, I tried to get online to pick a blog winner. Unfortunately, my lap top couldn't pick up any networks, despite the fact that it was sitting two inches away from a sign that read: Free WiFi!

Ah, the joys of technology.

So then we had to get up five hours later to go to my nieces wedding. (Congrats Michelle! Yeah, I'm sure she's taking time to read my blog today.)

Anywho, so today's winners are late, and because of that I'm choosing two winners for the ARC. See my friends, sometimes bad technology can work in your favor.

(typed by nephew Marc Hemeon on his iPhone follow him on twitter @Hemeon)

My Unfair Godmother ARC giveaway/ weigh in on the song

I'm having a book trailer done for My Unfair Godmother, and I have to say it's going to be awesome. I'm having special effects. Things sparkle. I can hardly wait to show it to you. But first I need to choose background music. I'm torn between two different songs, both by the very talented Tim McMorris. One has lyrics, one doesn't. I like the song with lyrics better, (It's a love song about taking an adventure) but I worry that if people are listening to the words they won't be reading those few sentences on the trailer. (Obviously I didn't worry about this before. All of my other trailers have lyrics.)

And the instramental is also a great song.

So here's the ARC giveaway deal. Listen to the links for both songs and tell me which you like better. Random.org will choose one of the commenters to give the ARC to.

Oh, and by the way, that female voice that pops in every few seconds and says, "Audio Jungle," that's just Audiojungle's way of keeping you from stealing the song. That won't be on the trailer.

http://audiojungle.net/item/successful-business-venture/154097

Or

http://audiojungle.net/item/youve-got-my-heart/157876