Friday, March 01, 2013

I have my moments . . .

I admit I don't read all of my Goodread reviews. For one thing, it would be hard to keep up with reviews on twenty books. And besides, there is the author curse to deal with. The curse is this: you can read thirty glowing reviews about your book--and feel so happy--until you get to that one bad review. I know that it's impossible to write a book that everyone on the face of the planet will enjoy. People have different tastes. For example, some people inexplicably like the song Hotel California.

If you aren't familiar with the song Hotel California consider yourself fortunate. It is a slow ballad about a hotel that traps people inside. There is stabbing going on. I remember hearing once that the song was inspired by the movie Psycho. When it comes on the radio, I literally leap over furniture so that I can turn the station two seconds faster.

Anyway, so authors expect bad reviews. I shrug off most, but every once in awhile there is one that bugs me because it gets the facts wrong and then the reviewer states that s/he didn't like the book because of those facts. I know authors who have gotten bad review for books they didn't write. I once got a bad review for a book that I hadn't finished writing yet. (Apparent the reviewer had psychic powers.)

Sometimes I read reviews though and I had to say that I loved this review of A Longtime (and at one point illegal) Crush. I won't quote the whole thing because that would look like shameless self-promotion. I will say that the reviewer is brilliant and astute and right about all the nice things she said about me.

You know how (Janette Rallison) seems to create the most awkward, embarrassing, yet down right hilarious teenage moments in all of her books? (If you don't, read some and you'll see.) Well my friends and I have what we like to call "Janette Rallison moments". It's where we have the most humiliating experiences that are mortifying at first, but then we have a giggle fest later on about it. Like the time when one of my friends got their braces stuck to her crushes shirt. Yeah. Definitely Janette Rallison moment.

I am ridiculously proud to have humiliating moments named in my honor. This is perhaps because I've had so many Janette Rallison moments myself. In fact, you could pretty much say my life has been one Janette Rallison moment after another.

The latest, completely true moment that happened to me:
Imagine you are at a place where you are surrounded by people who are all dressed up. You are dressed up too. It is close quarters. You reach into your purse to pull out something you need--something that everyone is expecting you to have. It is at this point you realize that the bad smell you've been getting whiffs of all evening originates from your purse. Apparently one of your evil cats has recently crawled into your purse and peed inside.

(Here I am with the likely suspects.)
There is not a gracious way to get out of this sort of situation. And unfortunately, randomly screaming in close quarters is still not socially acceptable. That Janette Rallison moment will probably find its way into a book someday.


gaylene said...

Eeek. I'm sorry about the purse, but I'm kind of glad you have "janette Rallison" moments. It keeps your stories real and SO funny :D
Thanks for sharing them with us!

Tiana Smith said...

You DO have a way of making your characters suffer embarrassment - I always feel bad for them :) And I'm sorry your cats peed in your purse!

Janette Rallison said...

Yes, I do suffer many moments. I guess it's a good thing that I'm an author because I can use them. (If only there was a way to deduct them from my taxes too . . .)

Unknown said...

That's why I like your books so much. It makes me think that all of my Janette Rallison moments aren't as bad as they seem because your characters have moments that are just as embarrassing.

Jeanna said...

All day after reading this post, I couldn't decide if I loved you for making me laugh or hated you for getting "Hotel California" stuck in my head. It's a real quandary....

P.S. I always thought "Hotel California" was about drugs. "You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave" and "we are all just prisoners here of our own device," etc. But whether drugs or Norman Bates, it's definitely not the most inspirational song ever.

Unknown said...

I finally have a name for those moments!!!!

Janette Rallison said...

Maybe we should start a support group. I nearly had a potential Janette Rallison moment at the airport. Let's just say I'm not really good at identifying my luggage. (Hey, if it's the same basic color as my luggage, I say that's close enough.) And when I don't have my glasses on, it's hard to read the luggage tags. That's all I'm saying.

And Jenna, sorry about the Hotel California song getting stuck in your mind. Sing some Train songs and ponder their stalkerish lyrics. That always helps.

Scarlet said...

Hey Friend,

I love that I now have a name for all my embarrassing moments!!
I had a JR moment last Sunday. I was asked to help lead a song and I said yes before I realized what I was being asked to do. I can NOT lead music. I got up there and totally freaked! I panicked and froze and I kept getting these kind smiles from the audience ( which made it worse because I knew they were just trying to make me feel better about doing a horrible job) and even the little girls I teach Sunday school to were trying to help me with "leading" motions from their seats. I panicked and ended sitting down a minute before the song ended ( I thought it was over!) It was soooooo embarrassing! but now thanks to you I can laugh about it and call at a JR Moment. I need to start a notebook of those moments. ( I have way too many!)
Thanks for your stories. I love them!!!


Asenath said...

Ah, Scarlet, I feel your pain. I would do a lousy job of leading music. And isn't the pianist supposed to follow your lead? So if you sat down, isn't the song supposed to end? See, she was the one that messed that up--not you. Plus, sometimes you can change a beat or tempo or the complete melody of the song . . . that's your prerogative.

Ginger said...

I also HATE the song Hotel California and change the station whenever it comes on.