Monday, April 20, 2009

Stupid things celebrities say

I've finally started doing the revisions on Faking It. One of the things the bow-tied one wants is for my celebrity diva, Kari Hale, to say more stupid things. Believe it or not, it's actually hard to come up with stupid dialogue so I googled some real celebrity quotes for inspiration.

Here are a list of my favorites as reported by other blogs: (And we all know you can't get more reliable news from random celebrity bloggers)

Brooke Shields - "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." (Glad to see that tuition to Princeton wasn't wasted.)

Britney Spears - "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." (Well, some people consider Lake Superior a sea . . .)

Christina Aguilera - "So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" (I think they keep the location the same every year so blond celebrities can find it.)

Mariah Carey - "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." (Mariah has obviously been talking to Brooke about death.)

Pretty bad, eh? Personally I think the politicians are worse.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." - Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC. (I'll stay in Arizona, thanks.)

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. (And the thing is, I bet he paid his publicist a lot of money to come up with that answer.)

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." - Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents. (Come to think of it, my editor uses the royal 'we' too . . . coincidence?)

And even after all of that, I still can't think of a stupid line for my character. It's something she should say in a library to a guy she's trying to pick up. Any of you with celebrity or political aspirations--comment away!

And for those of you attending the LDStorymakers conference this weekend--see you soon!


Ashley Harward said...


Ok, I fully admit, I have plenty of blond quotes - only they've come out of my own mouth. :) My hubby thinks I'm hilarious, I guess that's a good thing.

Ok,so here's one I've said, "I just had deja vu, but I don't know what about.

The other one my mom said about me and it came out all wrong. Ready for it? "She does amazingly well for her personality."

hahahahaha. Hey, the world would be a lot less humorous without us blonds around!

I don't know if you can use either of them, but feel free if you can.

Danyelle L. said...

Thanks for the laugh. One can only hope they were trying to be funny, but I have a sinking suspicion they were completely serious.

Don said...

"I think books are very important. I mean, without books, where would they find stories to make into movies? Other than TV shows and comics, that is."

Laurieann said...

Courtesy of my sister-in-law, "Wow! you can really eat a lot. You must have a wooden leg."

Doesn't really work in a library but maybe later on their first date. :)

Anonymous said...

Ha, so funny and yet not funny.

I've said some stupid things, but I've pushed them so far away that I've completely forgotten them.

"I don't know why anyone would write books anymore, you can find everything online anyway."

"Have you ever heard of dustmites? I think I'm okay, I've got all my shots. Just don't let any of them get into your hair."

"Decimal is a funny last name, do you think Dewey wanted to change it?"

Oh! I just thought of one that was actually said to me;
"Why do people say to 'keep your eye on the ball'? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of!" This was said to my by a guy who likes to play baseball!!!!!
My reply to that was; "Because, when you're going to catch or hit the ball, it is best to look at the ball or to 'keep your eye on the ball.'"
The response; "Wow! That makes sense now. Thanks."

Anywho, does any of that help?

Jennifer said...

Recently a friend of mine blogged about a paper she was grading. The author of the paper kept quoting and talking about a HE and the paper was about Eleanor Roosevelt.

Alysa Stewart said...

Hehe. My favorite library pickup line: I'm glad I brought my library card, cuz I'm checkin' you out!

I think your celebrity should ask how much it costs to check something out. Or she could take off all her metal jewelry to go through the book detector.

Janette Rallison said...

That is funny visual image--taking off the jewlery to go through the library doors--sort of makes me want to try it sometime when the library is busy.

D.R. Cootey said...

You like the library? I do, too. They're a great place to find books.

You're reading (Lord of the Rings)? I didn't know they made that into a book!

I think teaching children to read is important. I mean, how else are they going to learn how to text and stuff?

Alright, that's the best I can do in a pinch. Good luck inventing dumb expressions. ;)


Tamir said...

Well a dear friend of mine...she met some boys from Canada...and asked if they spoke Canadian there.

So maybe she could pick up a book about Canada and try to pick up a guy asking if he knew how to speak know...tutor her or something.

Good luck!

Janette Rallison said...

Great suggestions, guys! Should I feel proud that my readers are so good at coming up with stupid lines?

Anonymous said...


"It's like a library in here?! Did you see all the books?"

Wow Mariah Carey how swallow are you!

Chantele Sedgwick said...

Bwah ha ha! That was hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!:)

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Once again, I fear for the human race...

Hee hee...see you at the conference!

Lisa said...

Google pick up lines or Dumb pick up lines. There're thousands.
I should quote my very blonde freind, but she'd probaly kill me.

Neener Dog said...

"If I was a book, do you think you'd check out a book or me?"

"Due date? Okay. I accept."

"Do you know where I can find some books that can tell me about finding books in a Library?"

Some of my favorite blond moments are:
When my husband and I saw a road sign that said Cornish Rd. in the middle of nowhere and my husband joked that it was where all the gay hens were from. He didn't believe me when I told him they were called Cornish Game Hens.
Then my biggest blond moment was when my brother had a sun burn on his back and I was experimenting with all sorts of concoctions to relieve his pain. I put eyes drops on his back. He asked what that was for and I told him, "It gets the red out."

Kersten said...

Ha! That is so funny! Thanks for the laugh. I've got to show those quotes to my husband. He's going to love them.

Anonymous said...

Don't know that this really helps, but it's fun to share.

When we were first married, my husband told me I probably shouldn't wear the dress I had on. (He was just trying to be helpful.)

So I told him that I had had several people compliment me when I had worn it before and my husband told me it was probably because they felt sorry for me.

And this isn't something dumb that I've said, but it's still dumb. I once read an article that talked about how many adults (forget the numbers, but it was a lot) couldn't locate Iraq on the map. I realized this was me. The sad part? I'd taken Arabic in college and had to memorize all the Arab countries for a test. The REALLY sad part? My husband was in Iraq for a year. A whole year, and I didn't really know where he was. How lame is that? I am proud to report, however that my 3 and 5 year old can now both point to Iraq on a map. (And so can I!)

Janette Rallison said...

Yeah . . .I'd better go find Iraq on a map so I can buck the trend too.

Anonymous said...

Haha. Thanks for making me laugh tonight. My favorite one is Brooke Shields. I'm sure I've said plenty of similar things in my lifetime. Shhh. Don't tell anyone.

Hoontah said...

Personally, I'm just grateful I'm the only one publishing stupid things that come out of my mouth. I can't imagine the pressure of being brainless publicly.

Storymakers was awesome. Thanks for being so very cool. Can't wait for BYU.

Jenn Adams said...

Oooh, ooh, me! Me! Pick me! I just thought of one that, if I do say so myself, is pretty funny.

"Why don't any of these books have price tags on them? How am I supposed to know how much they cost?"

And the guy replies, "This is a library."

To which the girl says, "Oh, sorry," lowers her voice to a whisper and asks, "Why don't any of these books have price tags on them?"

I just googled "library jokes," too, and one of the first sites I came to had a list of actual questions asked of librarians. Some of them were:

"Do you have books here?"
"Why were so many Civil War battles fought in National Parks?"
"Do you have a list of all the books I've read?"

Anyway, good luck. :o)

Janette Rallison said...

Oh! I love it!

Hot Cover Girls Central said...

hahaha, this is very funny, thanks for posting this, lol

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