Okay, let me say right off that I'm embarrassed at how long it's taken me to post the embarrassing stories and the contest winner. And actually they were all posted about a month ago, but when my daughter added them to my website it caused the website to split in half, and then her computer crashed and she couldn't fix it.
I didn't really want to draw anyone's attention to my oddly formatted website but now my dear friend Marsha has fixed it (Way to be techno-savvy, Marsha!)here's the news:
The winner is: Cheryl S.
Here is her story:
When I was a senior in high school (at least 11 years ago, give or take a few months), I had the privilege of being voted as one of the representatives of our youth government group. This was good, because it meant a trip to our State Capitol (which was Boise. Quick, what state am I from? Anyone? Anyone?). Hundreds of high-schoolers from around the state took over the Capitol building in mock Senate, House of Representatives, and Judicial sessions.
It was great! We passed our fake laws, voted, created caucuses, etc. For two days, our lives revolved around debates, the mock "media", and seeing which high school had the most controversial bill. I happened to be in the House of Representatives. I had borrowed my best friend's incredible "power suit" for the occasion, and I did a pretty good job debating for and against various bills in front of hundreds of peers and dozens of teachers.
On the last morning of bill-passing, one particular bill came up for debate that caused quite a stir. It was a bill wanting to put condom machines in high school bathrooms. Both sides were very heated. As a conservative virgin (and yes, this is important to note), I was against the bill. I heard several people stand and declare that it was about freedom of choice and/or preventing pregnancy, since "everyone will do it anyway". One person against the bill stood and spoke about how "30 STDs could still pass through a condom", etc.
Fired up by the debates, I stood up. "Mr. Speaker!" I yelled. "The House recognizes so-and-so from whatever!" (that's me; and no, he didn't say "whatever", but I digress). I stood up and said:
"Thank you. I rise in negative debate. As Representative So-and-So stated, over 30 STDs can still pass through a condom. See, Condoms do not necessarily make sex any better....wait...wait..." My mind went blank. What did I just say?
Soon the entire room was roaring with laughter. The teachers, some of whom were listening via microphones in the other room, were laughing. The audience up in the balcony (consisting mostly of high school students from the Senate and Judicial Court) were laughing. I finally realized what I had said and yelled "Safer! I meant Safer!" And then sat down, completely humiliated.
Luckily, I had a sense of humor and could laugh with them --even when some started calling out "How do you know!" Oh, the joy.
Thanks Cheryl, it's nice really, to know that I'm not alone in embarrassing myself.
Oh, and honorable mention goes to Chuck, the golfing librarian, for the sheer number of embarrassing stories he's shared on my blog. We are kindred spirits, Chuck.
For the many people who contributed great stories but still didn't get a free book,(you check out stories on my web page) have no fear. My Fair Godmother comes out in January and Just One Wish comes out in March so I will be running more contests then.
11 comments:
Well, you're welcome! Although I should be thanking you for turning my past humiliation into a free book. Yes!
Reading this and re-living it, though? If I wasn't laughing so hard, I would seriously be crying... ;)
Ah yes, there is nothing like reliving your humiliations in written form. I'm still not over my math equation mistake either. Although I must warn you that your story won't be on my website for long.
My daughter pointed out that certain words used in this story will cause my site to be blocked from kids using school computers.
Ah, fame is so fleeting.
:D That is very funny Cheryl, just yesterday we went on a temple trip, and we had to stop at a gas station. When I walked into the bath room. I noticed the scented condoms in a dispenser. I walked out at just started to laugh, the 4 other girls that I was with all asked what and I told them what I had saw, and they all started to laugh saying that the girl that that had gone in before me had noticed the same thing and laughed too. I looked over at Brittney (the girl that had gone in before me) and she just smiled and laughed too.
Always a Bridesmaid!
Actually Chuck, since you're a librarian, all you need to do is put up some spiffy YA review blog, and publishers will send you ARCs for free.
It's enough to make me want to be a librarian, actually.
Actually,schools block all websites that end with '.blogspot.com' no matter what the content.
Hmm. Then what am I worrying about?
oy! and LOL! Loved that story!
I did a very similar thing while speaking to a youth group of one thousand kids. I was talking about how I'd grown up in southern california and that we'd lived in the "heroine" district (not to be confused with heroes and heroines, but the kind you go to jail for possession) And then I said, "So that's what we were doing back then." I meant doing as in we were living in this wretched scary area. They took it as doing as in we were doing drugs. Yeah . . . the audience erupted in laughter and I wanted to slither away into the microphone.
I'm constantly getting the words heroine and heroin mixed up when I write and I know someday I'm going to say I love a strong heroin and then I'll be banned or arrested or both.
Just replace "heroine" with "female hero"; people will still know what you're talking about AND it ups your word count! Win-Win!
Are they planning to have sex at school? They can buy condoms after school. We don't want to deal with any of that crap.
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