Last year I created the Enrique Iglesia Memorial Worst Pickup Lyrics in a Song Award. The award bears Enrique's name due to his touching and romantic song: I Want To--insert the crassest term you can think of here--You Tonight.
I'm not sure there's enough money or fame to make that line work on most women, but apparently Enrique isn't all that picky.
(To see the five contending songs for last years award, you can follow this link: http://janette-rallison.blogspot.com/2011/04/vote-for-worst-song-pick-up-lines_26.html )
I was going to post popular songs here and have readers vote on them, but truly I'm not sure any songs can compete with Train's Drive By lyrics. It just wins, hands down as the ultimate stalker song. Don't get me wrong. I love the tune. It has 27 million views on Youtube and most of them are mine. But what was Train thinking when they wrote the lyrics? Here's how the song goes:
On the other side of a street I knew, stood a girl that looked like you. I guess that's deja vu. But I thought this can't be true, cause you moved to west L.A or New York or Santa Fe or wherever to get away from me.
What? Listen Train, if you have girls moving across the country in order to avoid you, this is a clear indication that you're doing something very wrong in the romance department.
Oh but that one night was more than just right. I didn't leave you cause I was all through. Oh I was overwhelmed, and frankly scared as h*ll, because I really fell for you.
Wait--the girl in question moved across country after only one night? Someone was scared as h*ll and it wasn't you. Have you checked recently to see if your photograph might be among those listed on the FBI's most wanted site?
Oh I swear to you, I'll be there for you. This is not a drive by.
A drive by . . . as in a shooting? Given the other lyrics, maybe this is not the best phrase to use . . .
Just a shy guy looking for a two ply hefty bag to hold my love.
People use two ply hefty bags to hold many things--love aint one of them. Body parts, yeah, those would fit.
When you move me everything is groovy. They don't like it sue me. Mmm the way you do me.
Oh I swear to you I'll be there for you. This is not a drive by.
They don't like it sue me? Exactly how many times have people brought legal action against you for your romantic behavior? And is the phrase "I'll be there for you," supposed to make the girl feel better? Dude, she moved across the country and didn't tell you where. Get the hint. The last thing she wants is for you to be anywhere around.
The song goes on. Sadly the lyrics don't get any better. They leave the listener wanting to yell at the poor girl, "Run! Run! Flee as fast as you can!"
So I think I'm going to have to just award Train the Enrique Award. However, I'm willing to be open minded. If you know of a popular song with worst lyrics, by all means, let me know.
29 comments:
I'm slightly afraid of Train, his song "marry me" although a catchy song and could be adorable, super creeper status.
"marry me, if i ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe, marry me."
Let's be real here though, we've all seen someone in a restaurant and thought, dang. i want to marry that boy. ( also please refer to the movie while you were sleeping, where she gets mistaken as his fiance) but still. we don't put it in a song and sing it around the world. unless we are train.
hello longest comment ever. sorry.
-cailey
I don't know if that Bruno Mar's song, Grenade, is supposed to be funny, but I laugh every time I hear it. If it's supposed to be serious, it's super creepy.
Caihay, We don't put it in a song and sing it around the world, unless we are Train. Ha! I'm going to remember that sentence because it works in so many situations.
Rebecca, I too have wondered about that song. I always want to tell Bruno that if he wants to impress a girl, flowers might work better than a list of all the gory ways he could die.
And don't even get me started about his I-want-to-put-my-hands-down-my-pants lyrics. Way too much information, Bruno.
An old classic that bugs me every time I hear it. Dead Man's Party. What's going to the party if you leave your body AND soul at the door?
Also, are we human or are we dancer? DancerSSSSSS. How hard would it have been to add an S?
I've decided it's best to not know what they're singing about. My son has taken up listening to an old German group called Trio (long story). I like having no idea what they're saying.
Well from a man's perspective, I find some lyrics I probably wouldnt get away with in real life when chatting up a woman.
Justin Timberlake's Rock Your Body cracks me up everytime I hear 'Bet I'll have you naked by the end of this song'.
If I said that to a woman, she'd be like "Oh yeah?"
Janice, Are we human or are we dancer has always bugged me too because it doesn't seem to be an either or question. Who else is dancing besides the humans?
A Johnson--so true. You know a guy got too famous too young when he writes a lyric like that. Hello, Justin, you need a taste of the real world.
These comments are cracking me up. Apparently I'm not hip enough to know the Train song to which you're referring, but now I'm going to go add to the number of Youtube hits...
I definitely agree about Grenade! It makes me laugh every time I heart it. . .mostly because I had a roommate get told that it would be a pretty good description of her relationship with her boyfriend! I'm also glad to know I wasn't the only one who thought of a drive-by shooting with the train song. . .really, seriously, why would anyone find those lyrics romantic?
All of this makes me wonder: do singers write these bad lyrics to amuse us or are they completely ignorant of what girls want to hear?
My vote goes to Lil Wayne's Bedrock
"Oh baby I be stuck to you like glue
Baby want to spend it all on you
Baby my room is the G spot, call me Mr. Flintstone
I can make your bedrock"
Just...EWWW. *gag*
What about "Somebody That I Used To Know"? It seems like he can't decide whether he still likes the girl or not...
For example,"felt so lonely in your company,
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember" Ummmmm, okay? Confusing, right? Since when is love being lonely around your partner? Ever?
Also, the song is indecisive in saying "you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect you records
And then change your number
Guess that I don't need that though" Sooooo what you're saying is that the girl changed her number, and you're upset by it, but then you basically say "not that i want it or anything"... i get it! wait. no i don't... on top of all that, you are singing to a girl that changed her phone number, collected her records, left you, and "cut you off". Can someone please explain that she isn't going to come back, and thatif she doesn't want you around, a song probably isn't going to help, especially since you were scolding her for most of the song? Please???
Speaking of Bruno Mars, I used to sort of like his song Just the Way You Are until it started to play what seemed like every day when I was either going to or home from work. And then I paid a little attention to the lyrics.
How long would it take to get super annoying to be told how great you are every time you ask, "Do I look okay?" Fine, I know you think I'm beautiful. But do I have anything stuck in my teeth? Is my slip showing? Is my makeup smudged ridiculously?
I think Akon's song "...I wanna @$&# you" isn't much better than the rest of weird lyrics. I think a woman would want to be made love to not .... you know what I mean. Totally crass I say!
Liz, I haven't heard the Bedrock one, but I think any time a guy is mixing Flintstones references with pickup lines--yeah, that's a bad idea.
Sok Munkey, one day I'm going to have to do a whole blog about Somebody That I Used to Know. Haunting tune, but I always want to slap Goyte for being so clueless.
Marissa, for a while there my husband used the Bruno Mars method of telling me I looked great any time I asked. I had to explain to him that he had to actually look at me first to make that assertion believable. Now I just don't ask anymore.
Chanella, Yeah,the music world would be a better place if women completely ignored guys who sang crass lyrics.
Yes I agree. Or did something about it. I don't mean to sound feminist here... but i think a lot of the derogatory lyrics and content is directed at women...simply because we are women and are viewed in a particular way. I mean how many singers actually sing derogatory stuff about males?
Good point--and one wonders why women don't. Is it because women naturally have more class or is it because women know when we sound like idiots? Of course we also have our share of people who make me shake my head and say, "What are you thinking?" (Paris Hilton--need I say more?)
I hated that song the first time I heard it. I hate it even more, now that I've seen the lyrics written out. I will say one thing for it, though, it didn't get stuck in my head like some awful songs I hate. Guess that's the advantage of having the girl move away.
Ah, B Radom, don't speak too soon--it might still get stuck in your head yet. I can probably hum the entire song of Hotel California and I hate that song so much I will go to great lengths to avoid hearing it.
Is this the same Train song where he mentions untrimmed chest hair. Because, that totally grosses me out!
Gina, no, it's not but it makes me laugh that Train would write a song about untrimmed chest hair. Clearly Train needs a lyrics intervention.
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I visit your site just to see what entertaining things you have to say (besides seeing what you have in the works) and you never disappoint. :) I really like that Train song and even own it, but it is too new for me to have read the lyrics!!! So sad! There are so many bad lyrics out there. That new boy band from England makes me gag with their new song and there is a song (I can't remember the name) where the guy sings the same three words over and over for the chorus and it just make me think, really! That's all you can come up with? For how much money these guys make you would think they could pay someone to write good lyrics. :)
I thought that the first time I heard it. Thankyou for summing it up so well!
How about Clay Aiken's song "Invisible":
"If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight"
I'm pretty sure that's one of the nastier scenes from "Hollow Man"....
Haha, these comments are funny, and I enjoy your posts. BUT I have to defend Pat here (lead singer and lyricist of Train). Train is my absolute favorite band for a few reasons. One is that the lyrics (although creepy when taken literally) are creative and intriguing! In another of their songs, it says "I'll buy you everything, except cologne 'cause it's poison" which makes no sense at all, but makes me feel like I'm being let in on an inside joke. A lot of Pat's lyrics come from personal experiences (he mentions his children's births in Maybe This'll Be My Year and Drops of Jupiter was written about his mother's death). Another reason I love Train is that the music makes you feel everything you need to without even thinking about the words. I would agree that they are sometimes strange (hefty bag? why?) but I love them all the same, and would NEVER put them on the same low level as Bruno's Grenade or Justin Timberlake's anything.
These comments make my life who new that all of this music had such bad lyrics. Well I have to agree with the granade song because the song is just telling his girlfriend many ways he is able to die for her personally if a boy ever told me that I would wonder what kind of dates he was going to take me on because if it ment getting hit by a train or getting thrown at by granades I wouldn't be to thrilled to go out with him.
My favorite line is from 50 cent, "I love you like a fat kid love cake".
....Definitely not 2012 though. It would have to be on the lifetime achievement lyric list.
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