Saturday, June 16, 2012

Things not to write in the wedding book


 My oldest daughter (code name Serena, after her favorite cartoon character) is getting married this week. My baby. If I had Prozac, I would be taking it. Instead I am consuming large amounts of chocolate, which probably doesn't work as well as Prozac but tastes much better. Utah readers, if you're coming to the reception bring me some Almond Joys as I'll be stuck in the receiving line and therefore unable to hang out by the chocolate fountain with a mug.

Anyway, in honor of the happy nuptials I'm going to rerun my list of the top ten things not to write in the bride and groom's wedding book. (That I originally posted for my niece's wedding.)

 I've never known what to write in the guest book. I mean, it's a keepsake that the bride and groom will cherish forever and you want to write something deep, meaningful, and unique but after standing with the pen poised in your hand for long enough that the line backs up, you finally scrawl out, "Best Wishes!" and move on.

 So our family got to talking about that . Or rather, we talked about the things that you should not write in the bride and groom's guest book. Here is the top ten list of things you shouldn't write:

1. This was really nice for your first wedding.
2. It's not too late for a pre-nup.
3. The office pool is giving you two years.
4. And who says you can't find nice bridal dresses at Walmart?
5. Apparently she couldn't have done better.
6. We don't actually know you. We just came for the food.
7. He must be a good catch; his first three wives had no complaints, God rest their souls.
8. For your wedding gift I got you that supply of penicillin.
9. At last, you found a way to get your green card!
10. Don't worry. Her ex didn't make parole.

16 comments:

Adrian said...

haha #7!!

Erin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Erin said...

Congrats on your daughter's wedding! She's lucky to have such a talented mom!

Erin Edwards said...

Congratulations on your daughter's wedding! I think it is funny you are blog posting on such a week. :) That's just the sort of thing I would do when I am way too busy to do it.

I never know what to write in the wedding book either! The best comment I ever saw was written by my son when he was about 10. We all marveled at it because he sounded like he had the wisdom of about an 80-year-old! I've kicked myself ever since that I didn't copy it. It was something about finding comfort in each other, having a long supporting each other and wishing the couple a happy family blessed with kids.

(Helen) Kiaya said...

This actually reminds me...I volunteer at a library in Utah, and I put away a hold for someone with the last name Rallison the other day. My first thought was, "I wonder if they're related to Janette..."

And this list is fabulous in an awful way.

Jess said...

Of all the "normal" advice I received when I got married, the one that sticks out was from my aunt. She took me aside and whispered in my ear, "Never let him have the upper hand."

Now I know how I'm spending my Sunday afternoon: going through the wedding album and guest book. It's been 10 years: I suppose I should read them sometime. :) Thanks for the laugh, and congratulations to your daughter!

Janette Rallison said...

Adrain, number 7 is my favorite as well. Maybe one day I'll just start writing it in all the wedding books (because hey, do the bride and groom actually read those?)

Erin & Erin,thanks for the congrats, although I still feel too young to be a mother-in-law

Helen, if their last name is Rallison, they're related to me (or at least to my husband.)There aren't that many Rallisons around. Was the book Variant? My daughter says she put that one on hold. (I have two copies of that book. If I had known, I would have brought her one.)

Jess, Good advice. I don't remember any advice that anyone gave me on that day. Actually, it's all sort of a blur. Maybe that's why we write it down for the bride and groom.

Marissa said...

How about "I don't actually know you. I just came to give your mother some food."?

But I probably won't be there anyway seeing as how I don't know the date, time, or location. And don't actually know the bride or groom or you.

Tiana Smith said...

LOL. I could totally see some of my relatives writing stuff like this :/

Also, congrats! I hope the event goes by smoothly and that you don't get too stressed :) Rope one of your nephews or neighborhood little boys into keeping your chocolate mug supplied - they always need something to do or the little boys will think it's great fun to start taking apart the decorations!

Janette Rallison said...

Marissa, you made me laugh out loud, for real.

Tiana, I would look awesome in the photos if I had a chocolate mustache. It should be a new wedding theme.

Marissa said...

That's what I do. Sometimes it's even on purpose.

A. Johnson said...

Fantastic, congrats to your eldest! Its good some people still find value in marriage. Hope the groom is a top bloke.

Oh yeah, what about: 'Iam glad you chose the other one'.

Hope everything will be joyous!

Janette Rallison said...

It was a beautiful ceremony--but sort of surreal. Still can't believe she's really married.

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Anonymous said...

Ha I love number six it is so true.

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