The evil new computer

We got a new computer. It was time. The last one was so old and slow that the other computers just laughed at it whenever it went on the Internet. The problem is that the new computer now has Vista.

"Why in the world did you buy a computer with Vista when you know I hate Vista?" I asked my husband, aka Techno-Bob.

My laptop has Vista. I think the word Vista is actually just one of those scrambled words that really means: Is Vat. This is fitting because anything I type on my laptop sooner or later disappears into a vat-like black hole where I can't retrieve it. And don't even bother using the search function on Vista. If you type in the words: Proposal for ARA, you are never going to find your proposal for ARA. It will bring up three hundred documents whose titles are not Proposal for ARA but that somewhere in the body use the words, Proposal, for, or some part of ARA.

I could go on and on about Vista, like how it took me about a year to find the insert ruler button amongst all the web layout, switch windows, and Macros buttons. (I don't know what any of those buttons do or why they are on my computer.) My last novel looked like it was typed on a PowerPoint slide until I was halfway through it. Really. It's just so annoying.

My husband knows how I feel about Vista because I have threatened to turn my laptop into an expensive Frisbee, many many times.

So then he told me, "The new computer has Vista because they all have Vista now."

I am not much of a conspiracy theory person, but I know this is a conspiracy--probably by aliens who are trying to permanently cripple the computer-using workforce. Or maybe just some horrible joke Bill Gates is playing on us.

Now the computer is refusing to spellcheck my emails. It says, "This language is no longer available for spellcheck."

I wonder if it would spellcheck my emails if I wrote them Lebanese. I may have to resort to that.

Starting a new book

My editor, AKA the bow-tied one, asked me to send him plot ideas for my next novel. "They don't have to be fully developed," he told me. "Just any ideas that you think are good."

So I sent him several plot ideas complete with beginnings, middles, and ends.

He didn't choose any of those. In fact, he chose one that I don't actually remember writing. It was a one sentence thing that I threw in for some reason (probably to show him I was trying to be versatile)which had no beginning, middle, end, conflict, or story question.

So that's what I've been working on. I wrote the first five thousand words, changed them, and have now thrown them away. I started over again yesterday and am now two thousand words into it.

Moral of the story: Do not send your editor one sentence story premises just to show that you can be versatile. Versatility, it turns out, is way overrated.

He called to talk to me about the new plot, giving me many instructions and I would tell you everything he had to say about it, except that in the middle of the conversation he said, "And I don't want to see any of these things I'm telling you on your blog."

"You won't," I said, "because you never read my blog."

He paused then said, "Yeah, but I make my assistant read it, and she flags it for me every time you mention me."

So now I'm considering randomly inserting the word: Tim into every blog just so he'll have to read them all. And by the way: Hi Shauna! I hope you like my blogs. Call me later so we can talk about Tim behind his back.

(Note to Tim: Just kidding. Please do not tell any more large crowds that I skip out on paying my parking fees.)

Anyway, I'm supposed to have the new book done by the end of August. The way things are going it may not be done until August 50th or so.

Manuscript update: 4,580 words written. Aproximately 45,000 to go.

Haiku, Low-ku, and chocolate

I forgot to add one thing about my class at BYU, and that was the Low-ku contest. (Haiku that is low on the poetic scale.) I thought Mike in my class wrote the best Low-ku poem. He was simply robbed when he didn't win the contest, so as a consolation prize I am posting his poem here where it will be seen by (according to statcounter) approximately five hundred viewers this week. Of course also according to statcounter many of these viewers will be from countries that don't actually speak English,so I'm not sure why they are stopping by my blog. Oh well, everyone is welcome here and if I knew how to say that in Portuguese and Chinese I would.

Boogidee
By Mike Blakesley

Boogidee the bird
flew by Tansy the bird dog.
We still find feathers.

This, according to Mike is a true story.

On a heavier note--heavier because I'm completely switching topics and now speaking about all the calories I've consumed lately--I'm returning to Arizona tomorrow. I've been traipsing around the Oregon and Utah for the last three and a half weeks and basically eating like I've been living on the Good ship Calories-don't-matter-so eat-whatever-tastes-good.

Seriously, I don't think I've ever eaten so many deserts and stuff. There is a tub of chocolate covered raisins upstairs in my mother's kitchen which I keep returning to like some sort of homing pigeon. Through constant use, I've rubbed off some of the lettering on the tub so that it now reads: Chocolate sins. And yes they are.

Reality and bran flakes will come tomorrow. Tonight there are more chocolate sins to be devoured.

My fab Utah trip part two and the famous guy

Janette Rallison and some wonderful, marvelous, incredibly talented writers.

After hanging out with Shannon Hale and her fab entourage, I went to BYU to teach at an annual writer's workshop. And really, I don't know when I've had so much fun. Writers are great to hang out with because they totally get me. Not only that, I can go on and on about the sins of misusing point of view or faulty motivation and people actually care about what I'm saying. They write it down. (As opposed to my husband and kids who try to block me out.)

Carol and Cherie, who were in charge of the conference were hilarious. I will never forget them dancing around Stephen Fraser in sunglasses to the song Secret Agent Man. And I'm sure Stephen won't forget it either. Rick Walton and Will Terry ought to be comedians. I want copies of their presentations to cheer me up every time I get to down about this business. I won't detail the entire staff--but they were all wonderful.

Also, it's great to bounce ideas off of other writers. When I was critiquing my class's manuscripts I think I tried to add romance subplots to all of them. So you're writing sci-fi story about the end of the world? It could use a little romance. A coming of age, character driven novel, about a girl coming to terms with her mother's abandonment? Add a neighbor boy. And some raccoons. Because raccoons are really cute and kids love them.

I think I gave the class all my best ideas.

We had lots of fun, and I hadn't anticipated how hard it was going to be to say goodbye to my class. I miss them already, and I want to know how all of their stories turn out.

So Amy, Julie, Susan, Melinda, Laura, Lisa, Elizabeth, Mike, Darlene, Kaye, Kristi, Jared, and Erin, (am I forgetting anyone?) when you get published, I want to know!

Oh, and one more thing--I told my class that I had used Orlando Bloom's name in a shameless attempt to get more hits on my blog. They didn't approve of my methods. They suggested that instead of simply writing Orlando Bloom, Orlando Bloom, Orlando Bloom over and over again that I should write: Shirtless Orlando Bloom, Shirtless Orlando Bloom, Shirtless Orlando Bloom. (You can tell my class consisted of mainly women.)

So here it is ladies: Shirtless Orlando Bloom

my fab trip to Utah--Shannon Hale

I came to Utah to teach at the BYU writing conference, but first I went to ShannonCon. (Shannon Hale kept on insisting that she didn't name the gathering ShannonCon--her fans did, but we know better. As soon as I become famous enough, I am going to have a JanetteCon.)

Here is a picture of Shannon and I. My head for some odd reason looks huge.

Here is another picture of us, where I look normal, but Shannon is closing her eyes. After that my camera battery died, so I don't really have a good picture of the two of us. Maybe I'll photo shop her eyes open . . .

Well, despite the fact that I couldn't find a Shannon Hale costume anywhere, I had a great time. Shannon's fan club (Little Read Riding Hood) are a great group, and I'm not just saying that since some of them are also my fans too.

Nathan Hale, who has illustrated Shannon's new book--Rapunzel's Revenge, also dropped by to tell Shannon stories (He is so funny!) and hand out some very cool Rapunzel paper dolls that he made in conjunction with the book. Now don't you wish you'd gone to ShannonCon?

We went out to dinner and her fans gave me chocolate--which just goes to show you that they know me well.

I can hardly wait until the next ShannonCon!

Utah and Arizona announcements--plus more Orlando Bloom

For all of you in Utah and Arizona I have some events coming up. Please come! Because as you know I hate to look bad in front of book store employees.

Saturday June 21st
Barnes and Noble
330 East University Parkway (1300 South.)
Orem, Utah
Book signing from 2:00 p.m. to 3:00


MONDAY, JULY 21
TEEN NOVEL WRITING FOR ADULTS WITH Janette Rallison • 6:30 pm • Are you interested in writing for teens? Janette Rallison, the author of How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-Boyfriend and eight other teen novels, discusses the differences between YA literature and other books. She’ll teach you how to create main characters that will hold teens' interest, develop story questions, believable motivation, conflict, antagonists and more.

Janette's novels have been put on various states' reading lists, as well as YALSA's Popular Picks lists, and the YA Choices list. Her books have sold over 700,000 copies. COST: $25. Registration and pre-payment required at 480-730-0205.


THURSDAY, JULY 24, 31, August 7
CREATING STORY LINES with Janette Rallison (For ages 12-18) • 3-4:30 pm • Learn about the elements of writing and plot with Janette Rallison, author of thirteen books, nine of which are young adult novels.You'll learn about point of view and why you need to use it correctly. You'll also learn about character goals, motivation, and conflict. Thursdays, July 24, 31, August 7, $50 for the series.

You can register by phone or by going to Changing Hands.

Changing Hands
6428 S McClintock Dr
Tempe, AZ 85283
480-730-0205
McClintock at Guadalupe

Now you may have noticed that I also said I had more Orlando Bloom stuff. I said this because on the day I published my Orlando Bloom story, I had 170 hits on my blog. This is more hits than I've ever had in one day and I imagine it's because I got Orlando Bloom fans who were googling his name. So with that in mind I'd like to say: Orlando Bloom, Orlando Bloom, Orlando Bloom.

I am not exploiting his name because I really do like him. Hey, how many of his fans write romance novels with him in mind?

Fact Checking in the Real World, part 2

When I first decided to write books, I always knew that there would be some story scenes that had roots in incidents from my real life. What I didn't realize was how many times I would write a scene or story line and then have something similar happen in my life (or just as often my oldest daughter's life) Really, it's happened with such regularity that it is a little bit spooky.

For example, there is a scene in Just One Wish (Used to be When You Wish Upon a T.V. Star) where Annika and Steve are driving down a highway in the middle of nowhere and their car stops. I'd barely researched and written that scene when my daughter and her boyfriend had car problems after a visit here when they were driving back to Utah. You'll all be glad to know that apparently I'd written a pretty accurate description of what happens when the transmission goes out. I also asked my daughter what her boyfriend said at the time and then used that as dialogue. (That is the type of loving mother I am--my child is stuck in the middle of nowhere and I want dialogue details.)

I have to say though, that the Orlando Bloom story surprised even me.

In Just One Wish, the main character Annika, goes off to Hollywood to try and track down a famous and incredibly handsome young actor. (And yes, I did imagine him to look like Orlando Bloom when I wrote it.)

But the first time she sees him she doesn't recognize him.

The Bow-tied one did not buy it. He told me that if she was a fan and she'd done any amount of research on the Internet she would know what he looked like, even if he did play a blond guy on the Robin Hood series. (Think Legolas from The Lord of the Rings. Ahhhh. Now stopping thinking of him and get back to reading my blog.)

So not long ago, one of my high school buddies emailed me. Without knowing anything about my conversation with my editor she told me the story of her encounter with Orlando Bloom.

Here it is in Misty's words:

I actually met Orlando Bloom. He was in Louisville filming the movie "Elizabethtown". Paramont had a temp office in the same building where I worked. I walked from one building through a pedway to another building with him and his dog, and we talked the whole time. He was a really nice guy.

The funny part was that I didn't know who he was. I knew the dog was Orlando's dog, because the security guard in the building had told me that they were letting him bring his dog in, but I didn't realize Orlando was the scrub walking the dog. I even asked him if it was Orlando's dog.

He looked at me to see if I had a clue in my head. Seeing that I didn't, he said that yes, it was Orlando's dog.

We got to the end of the hallway, and there was this guys with the movie signing folks in for second call backs for extras. I asked if I could go back to get some autographs, but he said no.

I said, "Well at least I got to pet Orlando Bloom's dog." I petted the dog again, and went on my merry way.

When I got back up to the office I told some folks about it. They asked what the guy who was walking the dog looked like. I described him (in my defense, he was dressed like he just rolled out of bed and grabbed what was on the floor).

This lady I worked with had taken his picture earlier that day with her cell phone. Much to my surprise, it was the dog walker. Another lady I worked with had a brother who was a stage hand working on the movie. She went out with him and some of his stage hand buddies. Apparently Orlando was telling everyone about the crazy chick who didn't know who he was, but knew who his dog was.

You know, he meets a lot of folks, but me, he will remember. Feel free to use this true, but unbelievable story in a future book. It is pretty funny.

Okay, it's me, Janette again. I have to say that it is funny. And just one more example of life imitating my writing. Thanks for taking the hit that time, Misty, and proving to me that yes, it could happen in real life.

(I think for my next book, I should write a story about an author who becomes fabulously wealthy and best friends with Orlando Bloom . . . it could happen.)