Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Me, on anesthesia . . .

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I’m going into the doctor on Thursday to get an epidural injection in my lower back. It will be the third time I’ve had the procedure done. I’m not so worried about the side effects, but I do worry about the anesthesia. Maybe it’s because I don’t drink, but I get a little of that anesthesia stuff in my system and suddenly I’m acting like every version of the town drunk you’ve ever seen.

The last time I was in for the epidural I was laying on my stomach on the table while the doctor and assistant did all of that medical prep stuff.

Doctor to assistant: blah blah blah a bunch of boring medical talk
Assistant to doctor: Yes, doctor, blah blah blah
Me: Hey everybody the floor tile is moving! Is that wild, or what?
Dead silence behind me, then laughter.

That isn’t even the worst time though. You know how they tell you to count backwards from 100 when they put you completely out? Apparently once when the doctor asked me to do this, I decided somewhere in the 90’s to start singing Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall. (And yes, they did tell me about it afterwards.)

I’m sure that must have been really entertaining for the medical staff. Janette does karaoke in the operating room. It’s a good thing I didn’t get all the way through the song or next I would have probably belted out old Barry Manilow tunes.

Doctor: Nurse, are my scalpels sanitized?
Me: Her name was Lola, she was a show girl . . .

One just wonders what sort of thing I’ll say on Thursday. It’s a good thing I never put much stock in a dignified reputation anyway.

12 comments:

Anne Bradshaw said...

I'm ouching and laughing at same time here. Hope it goes well. Continual pain is the pits.

Tamra Norton said...

Good luck, Janette! And if you're really worried, just do a few warm-up scales like we used to do in high-school choir on your ride to the hospital--I'm sure you'll sound great!

Nerd Goddess said...

I hope everything goes well! And my mom got really loopy when she had anesthesia as well... she repeatedly asked if she'd said something stupid. :) She even asked my dad for a pumpkin shake from arctic circle on the ride home, but she has no recollection of it. I guess my dad didn't have to get it for her after all...

tenacious d said...

You're such a trooper, entertaining while suffering.

Janette Rallison said...

Okay, I jut got the funniest comment from one of my old Pullman buddies, Chuck--who was, by the way, one of those cute guys that all of my friends were impressed that I knew. He wrote:

I remember when I was in 8th or 9th grade, I had some surgery done. I had been given all my "prep meds" and was feeling rather loopy when they wheeled me into the operating room. The surgical nurse called me by name and said "I'll bet you now my daughter, Brenda", and the last thing I remember was saying "*ALL* the guys at school know Brenda"

Lillian Syville said...

Ouch. Well, Good Luck, Try to get a song that you really know well stuck in your head before surgury. mabey you'll start singing that

Julie Wright said...

HAHAAAAA! You're funny even when you're not on drugs; you know that right?

Aerra Loarel said...

Wow! THe worst part is you don't remember most of the stuff. YOu could have sung hymns the whole time!

Janette Rallison said...

Update:
I'm pretty sure I didn't say anything. I do remember looking at the floor tile and seeing it swirling around and taking different shapes but I wisely kept my mouth shut about it this time.

Celise said...

I'd be nervous about being put under, too. There's a movie coming out soon called "Awake" and it has something to do with anesthesia awareness. I wouldn't mind seeing Hayden Christiansen outside the Star Wars shadow or Jessica Alba minus her blue spandex unitard, but I truly think that if anyone sees that movie, they will never get surgery again. Me included.

www.celisedowns.com/blog

Janette Rallison said...

I thought that same thing when I saw the previews!

Candace E. Salima said...

Okay, ouch! Why do you have to do that? Too bad you kept your mouth shut this time, I would like to have read what you said this time!

Seriously, I hope you're okay. That just cannot be fun.