Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The Enrique Awards. It's time to vote on the worst pickup lyrics


I enjoy a good love song with a catchy beat. Sadly, there are some performers who ruin their songs by giving them lyrics so horrible that I can't listen to the music without cringing.

For example, a few singers seem to completely miss the point of pickup lines. If you're trying to get a girl or guy to like you, then you shouldn't appear to be a stalker or, nearly as bad--a completely crass dolt.

Enrique Iglesia's song I Want to Love You Tonight is the prime example of the bad pickup song--because the real lyrics aren't, "I want to love you tonight." They're actually, "I want to (insert a term here that would get you slapped in any civilized country and beheaded in a few other ones) tonight."

In honor of Enrique's tastelessness I created the Enrique Iglesia's Memorial Worst Pickup Lyrics in a Song Award.

To see other year's awards go to:
http://janette-rallison.blogspot.com/2011/04/vote-for-worst-song-pick-up-lines_26.html

http://janette-rallison.blogspot.com/2012/06/worst-pick-up-lyrics-award-2012.html

http://janette-rallison.blogspot.com/2012/10/train-lyrics-intervention.html

Without further ado let's vote for this year's contenders. I must mention that this year many of the songs had a death-wish bent to them that added to their creepiness. Apparently the music industry needs some Prozac.



1) Die Young
by Ke$ha

I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums
Oh, what a shame that you came here with someone
So while you're here in my arms
Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young

We're gonna die young
We're gonna die young

Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young

If you want to pick someone up, perhaps you shouldn't immediately plunge into speculations about his untimely death—or speak of your own death as if it’s an exciting event. It makes people wonder exactly what sort of trouble you’re planning, and if any of it involves fleeing from the police. 

Maybe the reason she can hear his heart beating so hard is that he’s pondering his chances of escaping her clutches.

Bonus Die Young bad lyrics: This song also includes possibly the tackiest line ever to be sung over the airwaves:
It's pretty obvious that you've got a crush (you know)
That magic in your pants, it's making me blush (for sure)
Magic in your pants? *Cringes* Please do us all a favor and pay Taylor Swift to write your next lyrics.

2) DJ Got Us Falling in Love Again
by Usher


  Keep downing drinks like there's no tomorrow there's just right now, now, now, now, now,
Gonna set the roof on fire
Gonna burn this mother* down, down, down, down, down, down
 . . . Swear I seen you before
I think I remember those eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes
'Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again
Yeah, baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again

 
Um, it might not be the DJ that's got you falling in love--it's probably all the Coors Light. Just saying.
The song goes on to say: So dance, dance like it's the last, last night of your life, life
When did dancing become the equivalent to uttering your last words?

3) Florida Georgia Line
Cruise

These guys are adorable and I like their music, but I also wonder if they completely speak English.

Baby you a song. 
You make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise down a back road blowin' stop signs through the middle
Every little farm town with you.

I heard these lyrics and thought two things: 1) You should meet Ke$sha. You're probably her kind of driver. And 2) I'm not a grammar Nazi or anything, but I feel an insistent need to take a red pen to your lyrics. I'll let the "Baby you a song" slide, but that missing "of" in that last sentence is just wrong.


 4) Locked Out of Heaven
by Bruno Mars

 Your (insert a word that implies procreation and would get my blog banned if I used it) takes me to paradise.
And it shows, yeah, yeah, yeah
Cause you make feel like, I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah you make feel like, I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long

Oh yeah yeah yeah Ooh! Oh yeah yeah Oh yeah yeah yeah Ooh!

You bring me to my knees
You make me testify
You can make a sinner change his ways
Open up your gates cause I can't wait to see the light


As a writer, I appreciate good metaphors and similes. Sadly this song's lyrics don't fall under that category. Let's ignore the fact that all of this is tacky. Let's also ignore the fact that throwing in a bunch of "Oh yeah yeah yeahs" does nothing to improve the song. The simile isn't clear. You feel like you've been locked out of heaven for too long? What exactly does that mean? She makes you feel like you're in Hades right now? She makes you feel like you want to die and end it all? Or are you saying, in an unclear manner, that now you're in heaven whereas before you weren't? 

At any rate, maybe Bruno should get used to being locked out of heaven since I doubt anyone beyond the Pearly Gates will appreciate these lyrics.




And that "Open up your gates" lyric, well, I'm rethinking the "magic in your pants" as being the tackiest line ever sung. 


So dear music aficionados, those are the contestants for the bad pickup lyrics this year. Vote for the one you think is most deserving, or nominate your own.

21 comments:

Tiana Smith said...

I love that you do these :) I dunno - every time I hear that "magic in your pants" line I want to strangle Keisha. It's the same whenever I hear Katy Perry's California Gurls (yes, that's how she spells it) where she mentions "melting their popsicles". What is this world coming to?????

Dena BooksforKids said...

I'm voting for Cruise by Florida Georgia Line because I cringe every time I hear it! :)

Shubhi Singh said...

Die Young wins this one for sure. As you mentioned above, maybe Kesha might not want to mention imminent death when she's trying to impress someone. Just saying.

E.S. Ivy said...

I vote for Keisha because of that line with the pants. Boys can be stupid but girls should know better! :) Yep, double standard there.

Reminds me of the song, I Wanna Be a Cowboy. The pick up line was "And you can be my cowgirl. At the end it added the poetic, "My name is Ted. One day I'll be dead, yo yo."

Madeline said...

Cruise by Florida Georgia Line for sure. The grammar just kills me.

Lauren Davison said...

Haha I adore FGL but I completely agree with you on their grammar!

Janice Sperry said...

I really hate that I can't share your blog on FB. Maybe they're friends with Enrique. Kesha wins. Nothing says love like death.

Janette Rallison said...

Love your comments, guys! Nothing says love like death--that should be Kesha's next song title.

OPS 571 Final Exam said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Samantha K said...

Well, I'm hooked on the catchy beat of Cruise. I can't even listen through Kesha's song. I hear it and immediately have to flip it while making remarks to the radio about the dying young bit. That's the only part I've heard and its enough to make me cringe. The rest you added just sealed the deal.

Tamera Westhoff said...

My kids vote #1 (but they love to sing it), I sadly had not caught the magic in your pants line, but thought it was a horrible song! I am more of a #4 as the winner, because I really don't like the way his songs have been going... I especially like the spam post though! They always crack me up!

Georgia said...

Oh, Janette, this is priceless! I love your sense of humor and your nominees for worst pickup lyrics are all so bad, how can I possibly choose which is the worst?!

Shani said...

The song "locked out of heaven" makes me want to slap someone. First and foremost, it is an incredibly annoying song to listen to. Even if the noise wasn't obnoxious enough the lyrics are utterly and completely tacky.

CJ Hill said...

I clearly have like-minded people reading my blog. I can't make it through the Kesha song even though I like the tune.

As far as Locked Out of Heaven, I didn't know the lyrics were bad at first because I found the tune and the "Yeah! Yeah!"s so annoyinng that I always turned the station before I heard them. It was actually my son who recommended the song--and he's not usually all that discerning about lyrics.

Melinda said...

I was enjoying the pop music playing at a restaurant the other day, wondering if anything ever came on that offended people, when the Kesha song came on. Yep, apparently it did!
I've got to vote for Locked out of Heaven, though. That's the one that when it comes on I screech and change the station before my kids can hear any of it. Especially because it tends to get stuck in my head and then I want to beat it against something hard.

Janette Rallison said...

My reaction exactly.

Anna Maria Junus said...

I have a suggestion for a song that's been around forever and is considered a classic.

My Funny Valentine

"Your looks are laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you're my favourite work of art

Is your figure less than greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?"

In other words, you're ugly and stupid but I love you anyway.

Just what everyone wants to hear.

Aubrey said...

I definitely vote for Bruno Mars. I hate the lyrics of that song.

Janette Rallison said...

Anna, sadly horrible lyrics are not a modern invention. That one definetely deserves an award. Maybe one day I'll have to give a retroactive award.

Aubrey, you are a woman of taste.

Janette Rallison said...

Well, it was neck and neck between Bruno Mars and Ke$ha, but the award goes to Miss Dollar-sign-in-my-name for mixing death with pickup lines.

I'm sure Bruno will come up with something to outdo himself next year.

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