Sunday, July 15, 2012

You know you're an Arizonan in July if . . .



I live in Arizona which means that for the next three months, I will always win in the game of Who-Is-Having-the-Worst-Summer-Weather. Here are the ten reasons that illustrate why you should feel sorry for me.

 You know you're an Arizonan in July if . . .

1)      You’re not sure whether you’re having hot flashes or whether it’s just summer.

2)      A hundred degree forecast is a cold front.

3)      No matter what you set your washing machine’s temperature at, it comes out hot.

4)      Your car doubles as both a sauna and a sweat lodge.

5)      The butter tray becomes a butter puddle-holder unless it’s kept in fridge.

6)      You can’t actually fry an egg on the sidewalk, but you’ve tried.

7)      You can actually burn the bottom of your feet on the sidewalk.

8)      You have to blow dry your hair fast, or nature will do it for you.

9)      Hot chocolate loses all appeal (almost).

10)   Regular chocolate becomes hot chocolate within the time you buy it and the time you rip it open in your car.



(Funny how so many of my blogs end with chocolate. Okay, maybe not funny, just fitting . . . or not fitting if we're talking about my skinny jeans.)


22 comments:

Kenzie said...

I just got back from a vacation in Arizona. Here in Tulsa, our weather is nearly as bad.
Chocolate is almost fitting in every blog.
You're a hilarious blogger, Miss Rallison! Love your blog and love your books!

Janette Rallison said...

You vacationed in Arizona in July? You are a hardy vacationer. Try us again in February. You'll like Arizona much better then. And your right about chocolate. It's like a neutral color--it goes with everything.

Melissa said...

I wouldn't be able to survive in that kind of heat. My Canadian blood would thaw and I'd have to be taken home in a thermos.

One time when I vacationed in Vegas, the temperature was 101 F. Once I stepped out of the air-conditioned hotel, I couldn't breathe! It was the worst heat I had ever experienced in my life. When I told other Americans about it, they laughed at me and said "That's it?! You should be here when it's (higher temperature)".

Tiana Smith said...

Precisely why I do not own a pair of skinny jeans ;)

Growing up in Montana, I used to joke about how bad our winters are. Complete opposite end of the spectrum ...

Janette Rallison said...

Melissa and Tiana,
I grew up in Washington state, then went to college in Utah. We moved to Arizona in May. It was 68 degrees in Utah and 108 in Arizona. It actually did hurt to breathe the air. I thought my lungs were being scorched from the inside.

It's funny how your body adjust though. Now 68 degrees is sweater weather.

Skye said...

As an Arizona native, I find it a little sad how TOTALLY true these are! #3 especially for me. We keep our water to the washer closed until we use it, and I'm always doublechecking to make sure I've turned on the cold tap - because it's certainly not cold at all!

Thanks for a Monday giggle! ;)

Dena said...

I lived in Arizona for a summer once. My makeup all melted, so when I went to apply my eyeliner, it smeared enormous lumpy globs all across my eyelid. Gross.

Cathy said...

Kansas is not that bad, compared to Arizona, but I just moved to Atlanta which I am not as excited about weather wise!

Beedubbs said...

I know how you feel! I live in Arizona too. I know a few you could add to your list!

1. You're dying for a cold shower to escape the heat, but when you turn the temperature all the way to cold, the water still comes out warm.

2. You don't mind getting in a pool full of strangers just to escape the heat.

3. You have to eat your ice cream inside, or it will automatically turn into a puddle.

4. You've rearranged your frozen goods just enough that you can fit your head in the freezer as an attempt to cool down.

5. You cover your car with a tarp hoping that it will make it just a little bit cooler.


Give it up for the Zonies!

Janette Rallison said...

Skye, you feel my pain.I've turned off my water heater while going on vacation and then come back and didn't notice it was off for a week.

Dena, melting makeup. Yikes! That's almost as bad as having your kids leave crayons in your car in hot weather.

Cathy, they keep saying the humidity is bad. You'll have to let us know how it compares.

Beedubbs,
Oh, see, all of these are good ones too. Maybe I should have made it a list of twenty, but then other states would think we were just whining.

Tonia said...

Janette I could plagiarize this blog and just change the title to: "You know you're in Atlanta, Ga in July if...." We usually get a decent winter but last year we had an extended fall till summer hit in May! You're blogs are hilarious!

Tanya Parker Mills said...

Janette, I will always remember you with a cup of hot chocolate in hand at the retreat. You think Arizona's bad? Try Baghdad...without air conditioning!

But, seriously, I feel for you.

Janette Rallison said...

Tonia, yep, this is probably why so many people live in California.

Tanya, I don't know how people in Baghdad do it. Really, I would go invade California just so I could stop sweating.

Beedubbs said...

But the thing about living in Arizona is that we automatically get whining rights.

So we get to whine all we want. (WINK WINK!)

Janette Rallison said...

Yep, and then we get to brag in February when it's beautiful here and gray everywhere else. I keep reminding myself of February.

Soni Cido said...

Hi Janette :) Thank you for the awesome class I wish I cold hang out with you and learn more!

Btw--the assignment that you gave-- about our character stealing something...I didn't read it out loud yesterday, but I had him steal a chocolate bar from the school bully...hahaha...I think that scene will end up in my book so I won't tell you why and what he did with it.
Have a great rest-of-the-summer!
Soni
www dot soncico dot com

Soni Cido said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Soni Cido said...

grrr my computer has hiccups :(

I meant, "I wish I could hang out with you"

my website is: www dot sonicido dot com :)

Janette Rallison said...

My eyes must have hiccups because I read it the way you meant it, and then had to go back and see what you'd really written. Glad you enjoyed the class!

Lisa Anne said...

wow, you really nailed it, but you forgot to mention the occasional break from the heat i nthe form of a haboob, that terrible dust storm that rolls through and sprays a layer of gritty dust you can taste all throughout the city. And, if we are lucky, a thunderous rainstorm rolls through right after that can tear mature trees from the ground as well as bring down power poles.
Yep, living in Arizona is not boring!

Kenzie said...

Yeah, I vacationed in Arizona to visit family. Luckily we were able to go on to California. There weather is amazing! I've been in March. It's beautiful at that time.
It does goes with everything!

Cashmere Sunday said...

This blog post has really brought a smile to my face!

I've lived in the UK for the last 10 years (I lived in South Africa prior to that) and this summer we have had 90 consecutive days of rain. I'd do anything to swap the rain for some heat!

Fantastic blog by the way - I just stumbled across it and will be definitely be adding it to the top of my reading list :)