Thursday, December 30, 2010

What you could have gotten for Christmas

One of the harsh realities about Christmas is that you always end up getting something that you would never have bought for yourself. If you're really lucky, it's some decorative thing that you have to put up in your house somewhere because the giver will visit and wonder where it is.

But don't fret. It could always be worse. For example, your loved ones could have gotten you an Obama Chia Pet. Isn't America great? Where else could children dream about growing up to have their face on a Chia Pet?

Or how about these lovelies:

They're Worry Kitties. You're supposed to whisper your worry to one of the sympathetic Worry Kitties and then tuck the adorable critter 'neath your pillow before you go to sleep, and in the morning your worry will be gone!

Is it just me, or do the rest of you think that if you put one of these underneath your pillow, it would come to life sometime during the night and gnaw your ear off? That's what I'd worry about.

Need something even creepier? How about skeleton yard gnomes. Really, I am trying to imagine the new-product-meeting where some genius came up with this idea.

And who doesn't need a solar powered waving queen figurine? (At least they didn't make her into a chia pet.)

My last aren't-you-glad-you-didn't-get-it-gift will need a bit of explanation. I love dolls and spend far too much time on eBay perusing through doll listings. I especially love looking at the reborn dolls. This is not a religious movement, but a way of painting dolls into one of a kind masterpieces that could pass for real children. Take a look at the next picture for an example of what some artists can do:
Gorgeous, right? (It's on eBay right now for 125.00. I'm so tempted.)
Well, for some reason that is beyond me, people can't leave well enough alone, and this apparently applies not only to yard gnomes, but also to reborn dolls. Because the horrible new trend in the reborn dolls is--get this--reborn orangutans.

Yes, let's take something precious and make it creepy. Here's a reborn orangutan on eBay right now.

I am pretty sure this would frighten small children.

So then, your Christmas stash really wasn't all that bad, was it? And hey, if you need to go out and buy yourself a gift, I know of some great books you could buy. Just saying . . .

15 comments:

Shari said...

All I could do is shudder. As a matter of fact, I think I may be shuddering all day at the memory.

Sara B. Larson said...

Holy horrid!

But that baby doll was exquisite. How do they do that? Maybe that's the only way I'll ever get a baby girl is to buy a life-like looking doll...

Janette Rallison said...

My son has generously offered to sell you his little sister. (Boys!) Don't give up though. Kids are worth all the effort it takes to get them.

Janice said...

My daughter wants that doll - the baby, not the monkey. the monkey is freaky.

Janette Rallison said...

My daughter agrees with yours--and you. The monkey is freaky.

Danyelle Ferguson said...

That little baby monkey is so absolutely darling! I just have you go out and buy him right now! LOL!

You're awesome, Janette. Have a great New Year!

Tristi Pinkston said...

I actually sort of liked the monkey. Does that make *me* creepy?

Janette Rallison said...

We'll put you on the "watch" list Tristi . . .

Julie said...

oh, this made me laugh out loud! Thanks for sharing your funniness. :)

Lauren said...

Oh my gosh! The baby looks so real! The monkey will probably give me nightmares, sorry Tristi.

I actually know someone who got the Obama chia pet.

Tristi Pinkston said...

I guess I shall just be a lone reed ...

Kimberly said...

I actually received a garden gnome for Christmas this year. For real. I wasn't horribly impressed, since I consider gardening to be for...you know, non-lazy people. But now I know, it could have been worse!

LauraB said...

Thanks for the laughs! That is sooo funny. I thought the gnomes were the worst until I saw the monkey - very creepy! Really, who came up with these things. And who is buying them?

Janette Rallison said...

Probably the same people who bought all of those black light velvet Elvis posters in the seventies . . .

Giovanna said...

So Grandma and Grandpa got a cartoon that said that coal wouldn't be given out but instead Chia pets for naughty kids....They did this because for the past 2 years they got my dad fake coal and then real coal. So then they told him that he could expect a chia pet from now on.