Monday, September 29, 2008

Fashion and the author

I admit that I'm a fashion dropout. This is one of the perks of being an author. You can hang out in your pajamas flipping popcorn into your mouth while you work. What could be better?

But I do have to go out every once in awhile, so occasionally I find myself perusing the racks at the mall, wondering what is 'in fashion' and what I can wear without looking like I'm trying to be sixteen. It's hard to buy anything in the big, loud prints that are popular right now. I still remember making fun of those after they went out of fashion the last time.

And besides, I don't trust fashion designers. I think secretly they are like the tailors in the story of The Emperor's New Clothes and they just come up with outlandish things to see if they can make people look like fools.

"Ha ha," they laugh in their fashion designer lairs, "We make people look ridiculous and they pay us large amounts of money for it! What can we get them to wear next?"

You don't believe me? Take a look at some of these recent outfits that probably cost more than your mortgage payment. (And no, these pictures didn't come from the worst-dressed issue of some magazine. These are straight out of the September 22nd issue of People magazine.) Apparently the celebrities were proud of these outfits.

Here is Anne Hathaway in a dress which was obviously inspired by a Hershey's kiss: (Well, fashion designers have to eat something while they design . . .)
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Here is Christina and a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen. A word of warning to all other celebrities who may be tempted to wear this sort of thing: Video of Lucy Lawless singing the national anthem when her arms went one way and her strapless top went another are still floating around the Internet.
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This is obviously a castoff costume from the old Buck Rogers show. Watch out Martian warriors, Beyonce has joined forces with Twiki.
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And lastly, here is Victoria Beckham sporting the latest craze: Sponge Bob Orange dress.
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Now don't you feel better about your wardrobe?

22 comments:

Melanie J said...

The thing is, even if you know what's in style, you still have to be a size four or smaller to make it work. Like, let's say that I knew that crazy orange concoction was in fashion. (Although I refuse to believe the photographic evidence). On me, it would look like a softball cozy. If there is such a thing. And I think you've made your point about the whole world believing they have to be size fours, already! Nothing wrong with size fours or eights or eighteens. There is something very wrong with that orange...dress.

Annette Lyon said...

I'm a fashion dunce, but at least I know enough not to look like something that walked off the Buck Rogers set. Yea me! I feel better already.

megs said...

My #1 rule of fashion is get a great set of jeans. They don't even have to be expensive--they just have to fit right and look good. I'm a tee-shirt girl myself, so as long as it doesn't have an elastic neck and/or print on it, it should look good with the jeans. It may be simple, but it is much better than a revealing golden jumpsuit...

Heather B. Moore said...

Maybe if your don't get your next book finished on time, you can be a fashion review columnist ;)

Lillian Syville said...

Once, while walking through Dillards there was a TV playing a video of a fashoin show promoting 'designer fashoins'. They were the most hideous clothes I have ever seen. Not just hideous but... weird. I mean, someone wore a headress with horns. I still shudder when i remember it.

Jennifer said...

I actually was looking at People Magazine's "Best and Worst Dressed" issue and was amazing at how hideous some of the "Best Dressed" pictures were. I kept looking at them again, back and forth from the caption to the dress. Could this possibly be right?

Then, when I came to the "Worst Dressed" section, they were in a whole other league of fashion disasters.

Here's the thing with celebrities: they only have so many choices before they start to look "boring" Heaven forbid if JLo and Madonna wear similar dresses within the same year!!! So they go with "different" and sometimes, that gets out of control. :D

Kimberly said...

I still remember when I was an University, working full time, and paying for classes with scholarship money. I was rich (I thought), but I still looked like a dork. My sense of style is seriously lacking.

I do feel better though, thanks!

Cheryl said...

What?! You aren't drooling over Victoria Beckham's daring vintage flashback circa 1968 "let's save the oranges" sackcloth?!

I must have superior taste! (insert snorting laughter here)

My secret? Take a fashion guru shopping with you. It helps if you're related. My aunt did fashion design (she's more talented in the "normal clothing" area) and I made her be my personal shopper for a few days. Not only did I find affordable cuteness, she helped me figure out what fit my figure better. It was fabulous!

Now if I would just care enough to follow it everyday...

P.S. On another note: One cat is enough for us! :)

Asenath said...

You know, I bet that orange sack is quite comfortable.

Sandra said...

Sponge Bob orange dress, and here I was thinking it was a gunny sack! Shows you how unfashion savy I am.

The Golfing Librarian said...

The only rule in fashion is to always make sure that your zipper is zipped before you leave the house! Janette? Are you writing this down? ;-)

Gabrielle said...

I love fashion, but fashion that works for women of every size and style. That's the only one that counts!

Hey Janette, would you be willing to do an email interview with my blog (www.innovativeteen.blogspot.com)? If you have the time, just send me an email at innovativeteen AT gmail DOT com.

Julie Wright said...

I do feel better aout my wardrobe. Who knew I had better taste than the stars?

LC Lewis's "Hear Ye, Hear Ye" said...

Loved it! Maybe Blackwell should give YOU a byline next year! Tune in to my blog tomorrow and you should get a laugh that hits a similar chord!

laurie lc lewis

JaredNGarrett said...

Hey Janette
Thanks for stopping by. I have actually done some copywriting, and continue with it some, but it takes a while to build up business.

I intend to only be teaching for this semester. Whatever happens next, most of it will be writing in one form or another.

Rebecca Talley said...

Yep, I feel much better now in my old sweats. The Spongebob one is the best! You should be a fashion commentator at the Emmys or the Academy Awards.

PS My daughter has been very stressed so she probably hasn't emailed to tell you thank you so much for your book. That was very kind of you.

Nancy Campbell Allen said...

Janette, I am laughing! Those were great finds. I do feel better about my considerably more conservative closet now.

And my legs! Now granted, I'd like to drop about 30 pounds, but looking at Victoria Beckham makes me feel healthy, at least. She's far to skinny. And that's not me just being jealous. :-)

Steelefamily said...

Your blog is as entertaining as your books! I love it:)

joelle said...

Hi Janette,
I've been off in work mode and am just catching up on blogs. You do make me laugh. I lived through the eighties once...sorry, not interested in doing it again! But what to wear? I find myself resorting to LL Bean...not quite as frumpy as most, but most importantly, it comes to my door!

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

Thank you, Janette, I can go to bed happy now.

Rachelle said...

Ha- thanks for the smiles! I especially need it now since I'm just getting out of maternity clothes (fashion, yeah right!)

Gabrielle said...

Hey Janette!

I just nominated you for the I Love Your Blog award! Details are on www.innovativeteen.blogspot.com.

:D